Wednesday's Child Is Full Of Woe

 Entry 1     8:35 p.m.

Clearly, someone didn't get the memo on Wednesday's child.

Fortune telling rhymes might have served me well. Tuesday's husband who reads his wife's phone on Wednesday will be spending much needed time alone.

It was a fun day.  Let us recap the afternoon's events.  I have been stewing. It is what I do these last few days. In the last week I have had several conversations with people, specifically Heather, Jennifer and Jeanne, telling them that I do not consider the people helping Jenny carry on this affair to be friends of the family, friends of the children, or friends of mine. They are welcome to come to the house, because Jenny wants them there, but don't expect respect from me. I won't be overtly rude, but I expect you won't interact with me, nor I with you.  Also, to be clear, I told each of them, anyone abetting this affair will not be welcome at Jenny's memorial. There were definitely some thrusts and parries omitted, but that was the extent of each bout.

After Jenny got home from fuckall with Jennifer, she went in the kitchen and sat with Murray and Kim. Some few minutes later, Moni and Megan showed up to visit and make dinner.  Murray excused herself, and as she was leaving, I went upstairs to put the laundry I had been folding away. I lay on the bed after I finished, staring at my blog stats, when Jenny walks in, sits down on the bed, looks at me gravely and tells me, "One of us has to move out." 

I was already charged, and after seeing yesterday's photos and texts, ready for a row. I answered her with a snarky do tell,"Oh, really?" "You have been threatening my friends, 3 that I know of," she says. I am incredulous, inflamed, my voice at mid-anger level, over 80 decibels,"Well pack your bags, because I am not going anywhere. I never threatened anyone. I spoke with Heather, Murray and Jeanne. I told them that if they were helping you they weren't friends of my children, of my family, of me. That I had no use for them But I didn't threaten them." 

She responds, "I can't have you threatening my caregivers. I need them." "Your caregivers? Who changes your sheets when you shit the bed? Who cleans your vomit, gives you your meds, feeds you, dresses you, helps you into the shower? Who helps you back into your bed to make sure you don't fall? All this I do despite the fact you are having an affair, despite the fact you love someone else? And I never complain. I am not complaining now. This is bullshit. I love you. You don't love me and you put your friends and your lover before your children, your family, and me." 

I took a breath. I was pumping out 90 dbs by now. "Who did I threaten?  What did I say?"  After a lot of hesitation, she offered, "You told them they couldn't see me when I am dying." "No, I told them that they are not friends of the family, and that they would not be welcome at any memorial when you die. They are welcome to come take care of you, but they are not my friends." "I can't have that negativity in my house," her retort. 

Leiney, 2006.

I am losing it completely now, the neighbors are covering their ears in their bomb shelters as I put out 120 dbs. "Negativity in this house? You are in love with someone else. I am nothing but kind to you, do nothing but take care of you. You are in love with someone else, having an affair with someone else. You are scheming, lying and sneaking around, and planning with your friends in this house with the kids and I here." 

"It isn't an affair.  .  ." I cut her off, tired of this bullshit."I looked at your phone yesterday. I saw your texts to him telling him you love him and that he is perfect. Don't fucking lie to me, gaslight me with that bullshit. I saw the texts. I know you saw him on January 20, and you cant even be honest about that." 

Continue lying mode now, "I didn't see him on January 20." 

"So," I asked, "if I have someone that told me they saw you with him at the TOPS gym on January 20, they'd be lying?" "I never saw him on January 20." 

I didn't bother to show her the picture and texts with Heather proving her a liar. I don't want to get cut off from the phone. "And quit calling it an affair," she said. It isn't. "Are you fucking kidding me? I saw the text you sent to him yesterday, yesterday." 

At some point the topic of today's walk came up.  "You went to see him today, didn't you?" "No." "Sure, Jenny." "You changed your Greenlake plans today so you could see him." Weakly, she denied it with another monosyllabic response. 

I said, "You put your friends and your lover before your kids, without exception. And to be clear, the reason Leiney didn't want to go walk with you today is that she hates Jennifer. In fact Abby does as well. And they both hate Heather. Those two are helping you steal time from our children." 

It went on for a brief minute more. I got my keys and bailed. I came back at 7:30. In between, I talked to friends and family, including an in-law who called to say the whole family supports me. I  have to stress, the angst I feel is for my loss to be sure, but more for my girls. Much more for my girls. I am grateful for Jeanne, who was honest with me and is sympathetic to both of us, and understands how painful this is to me. I wonder if she realizes all the lies she has been fed by Jenny?

Love is action, not words. I must stress I am not religious, but this has stuck with me since I was a kid, drilled into me when I attended church. I learned it, and saw it in action through the works of the church:

'My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth."

-1 John 3:18