kvetching up

The last week or so I have been in a wrestling match with the people securing our loan.  The number of times we have had to produce documents, many superfluous in my estimation, others certainly duplicates or a variation on a theme, was ridiculous. But, that said, and I don't mean to bury the lede, the house appraised and we have been approved for our loan. Next, the closing.  Depending on the document, we close the 26th or 27th.  The seller told the solar people, with whom he is arranging for us to meet, the 28th of July.  Certainly he is wrong. I am so excited to be moving, words fail.  No matter how you slice it, it comes up 7 days or fewer. I'm good with that.   The house is filled with boxes, and if you've seen Jenny's caringbridge, she did an all call for help moving boxes between the day we take possession and August 2, when we leave for the Oregon coast for a week. If I had my druthers, and I am a curmudgeon, I would skip the vacation and focus...

Now I Can See Love's Taken Her Toll On Me Today, technically yesterday, was therapy.  My therapist helped get me to this point over  the course of months.  It shouldn't have been a revelatory session.  There isn't any unplowed land, but it does seem that I have let some ground lay fallow as we have been on this journey, not wanting to face the truth--that Jenny doesn't love me enough to end the affair, and all I keep trying to do, without realizing it, is to convince her that I am worthy of her love.  But that effort is always going to be for naught, and doesn't make sense.   I want out.  People may think I'm being selfless by staying, despite the affair, and caring for her when she is dying, but I'm not.  I simply cannot bear the thought that she will die of cancer loving someone else, not me.  She will die of cancer.  She will never love me.   Nothing is scarier to me than contemplating a world where the woman I have lov...