kvetching up

Entry 1     10:27 a.m. Just before our love got lost you said, "I am as constant as a northern star." And I said, "Constantly in the darkness Where's that at? If you want me I will be in the bar." -from " A Case of You " by Joni Mitchell Tuesday  Two days away from chemotherapy.  I am wondering, as always, what that will bring.  CA 19-9, the cancer antigen/marker measurement, usually isn't done every week.  But I have a sneaking suspicion that this will now change, given the last reading.  Jenny seems remarkably healthy, off this morning to school, ostensibly to visit with her principal.  Ostensibly.   Life is so disjointed in this time. Everything is up in the air, everything unclear.  COVID-19 alone would have screwed me up, but all the transitions, the shift or shifts in thinking and expectation(s), the loss of narrative thread.  Who am I, even?  Who the fuck are you?  I thought I gave up angst as a teenager. I had...

Captured on the Carousel of Time It's Saturday morning. I'm writing on my phone with my thumbs, so expect lots of spelling errors. My thumbs rarely consistently find the right keys.  Abby couldn't find her license, so here I sit on Mercer Island in the YTN parking lot, lusting for the coffee sitting in front of me, too hot to drink. Which, sounds like garden variety lust, actually, yearning for something just out of reach, just a tad too hot to handle. On to more meaty subjects.  Jenny asked me to draft her Caringbridge post-chemo update last night, which hasn't happened--I mean I haven't done it--in months.  I started it, and then fell asleep around 8, never finishing.  I woke up this morning to find she did it herself in the dark of night, for which I am eminently grateful.  Reading it, I noticed again something completely fascinating.  Generally, I am omitted from her posts, and where I do show up it's as a descriptor at best, a noun modifier maybe....