kvetching up

 Entry 1    9:05 a.m. Random Thoughts Grief does funny things to your mind. I can't keep things straight.Yesterday, for instance, I turned the water on in one of the master bathroom sinks and forgot about it and it ran for two hours until Leiney discovered it while retrieving Willow from my room. Fortunately, the drain wasn't stopped. If that wasn't bad enough, I went to take Willow out yesterday afternoon, and opened the door before putting her leash on, something that CANNOT happen. I spent 45 minutes cursing her, cursing myself, and cursing my fucked up distraction, trying to get her back in the yard, back in the house, and ultimately into her crate. I was wearing my slippers when I made the mistake, and slipped in a pile of freshly laid dog droppings as I went to chase her. About 15 minutes in, it started to rain. Buddy, who I can use to lure her back sometimes, would not come when I called him, and ran back in the house when I dragged him out by his collar. It w...

To Bring You My Love I went to check on Jenny this morning about 8:30 a.m.  She was awake, on her phone--which is like saying she was awake and breathing.  We exchanged morning greetings, and then she said, "I'm meeting  Eric  el pinché  at 9:00 a.m. for breakfast." I said, o.k. and spu n around on my heels to get my coffee.  I needed my coffee.  I am expected not to have a reaction, and really, for the first time since this all came to be known last year, I mentally shrugged.  As my therapist would likely say, what else would you expect?  I have been here for a year, knowing this is going on, caring for her without exception nor expectation of appreciation.  Maybe that latter part isn't actually true--sometimes she says she appreciates me.  She has repeatedly said that she won't stop seeing this person because it's not worth the risk that we can rebuild what I didn't know was so broken she would feel no moral qualms about a multi-y...