kvetching up

Entry 1.    11:32 a.m. Willow gave me a wild ride this morning at 7:00, trying to bum rush a neighbor getting into his car. I know her very well now, and had hold of her fur faster than she could react, and soon after grabbed her harness.  In the kerfuffle of wrangling her, I dropped my phone in the grass. I didn't know this at the time, but only realized in an hour later. The best part about that is my phone lay in the grass where I dropped it as the rain fell-it had been falling all morning, why stop on my phone's account?  I put it in rice, at Jenny's suggestion. Jenny left with Moni for chemo about the same time I tried to dry out my phone.  I went to work and forgot about my personal cell. Just after 10, my work cell rings, it's Jenny on the phone, calling to tell me her blood pressure 70/30 was so low they were transferring her to the ER.  Moni took Jenny here, but left to go to an appt around 10. Jeanne, Jenny's escort home, was cancelled.  I a...

I'd prefer Taco Tuesday to tandem therapy any day. This therapy sucked . We spoke openly about Jenny dying, that she will die sooner rather than later.  We talked about it for half an hour. I was sad, she was sad. It was somber. Bonding even. Then it changed. Let me be clear.  It's been a year and some change. I have dealt with my feelings around Jenny's long running affair--the one she refused to stop--and made it clear that the purpose of therapy was not to fix this ramshackle jalopy we call a marriage, but to allow us to live together while she is sick. Not being the one with pancreatic cancer, I meant we wouldn't deal with it for the rest of her life. Fine.  I also made clear, while I would be able to do this, I would not countenance Sheila Capestany or Jennifer Murray at our home. Over time, I loosened up a bit about Jennifer. She would, when we lived in Ravenna, go hang out in the back yard with Jenny. I got some of my best information on the affair eavesdropping ...

Am I a clown? Do I amuse you?     This morning started with several texts from Jenny, a sampling of which I present here: I called her after I received the first text just after 5 a.m.. I asked her to wait to leave. I didn't take her threat too seriously, she had run away the week before and came back. But I didn't laugh her off, and became increasingly worried as the texts continued. I called her again after 6, and after receiving a text listing a few more bills I would need to watch after she was gone. I asked her if she had a plan to hurt herself.  She said yes. I asked her to wait for me to get there before she left. She agreed. Remember, I was only 10 blocks away on top of a steep hill. Outside, I discovered my Jeep lock was frozen shut. I would have to walk--or run actually to get to the house. I had to go change into warmer clothes. I called her, told her my dilemma, and then asked her yet again to wait.  I called and texted both her sisters.  No response...