kvetching up

Entry 1 Thursday creeps up on me every time. It always feels like I have enough time to get things done, whatever those things may be.  I don't hate working, but hate work . I dread it every day. I hate being interim, albeit I have no clear direction. It wouldn't matter if I did, I seem to have lost whatever meaning I found in working about the time the troubles began some three years ago now. We are in the thick of it, regarding history. So far, not so good . Jenny's mom died three years ago next week. Jenny's CT scan that started our journey into darkness and the results given that same day happened yesterday or today. Strange that I didn't write it down, but I wasn't keeping a journal then. I can still feel the pain, the terror she felt when hearing the news, and the certainty I felt that she was just handed a death sentence. I cam hear the placating tones of the PA delivering the news, Jenny repeating over and again, "OMG, I'm going to die," an...

 Entry 1 9:22 p.m. W hat a long day of troubles.  It was a day of upset and good news. Like Yin and Yang or the spread of the omicron virus and extending work from home for several more months.   First, my friend in Wisconsin had zero margins after her procedure. This means her cancer is gone. They got all of it. Her kids can stop worrying. Her friends can breathe a sigh of relief. Also, fuck cancer. It's the best news I have heard in a long time, and it truly made my morning. Great way to start the day.  It didn't get better, although, in fairness, it is hard to imagine how it could, other things being equal. I woke Jenny at 10. Feeling horrible, her bowl of applesauce from last night, sitting in the bed barely touched, the bowl miraculously not upset while she slept.  She looked dehydrated, defeated, disappointed, haggard, worn, spent. Its that look you get when it's 3 a.m. and you've been driving down a strange highway since the bartender kicked you out ...

 Entry 1           9:26 a.m. Jenny seems okay this morning. More resilient.

  Entry 1     9:56 a.m. New scan, new plan.  This is the day . Jenny seems so relatively healthy, thus I don't have any prognostication.  Keep her, us, in your thoughts today.