kvetching up

Entry 1 5:50 a.m. After fighting to get my sugars up last night? I most likely went overboard with feeding my face. Today, the goal is to be in range of the target goal for much of the day. I did awaken at 1:15 a.m. and ate a very ripe peach, this after my dinner. While my numbers never breached 200, still, they hovered around that level for a long time. If you read this journal back when Jenny was being treated, you know how much I loved to slice and dice the data. This new cgm software--btw I switched from the reader to my phone for scanning, does it for me. For reasons I don't quite understand, blood glucose often goes up during one's sleep. Mine was crashing back to normal levels, right up to the point I ate that peach. That much is apparent from the graph adjacent to these words. I sit each morning and drink my coffee. Earlier this summer or late spring, Willow was rousing me between 4:00 and 4:30 a.m. She would jimp into bed and hit me with her left paw until I stirred. S...

Entry 1      10:00 a.m.  Every day, darkness . Today I went to wake Jenny and found her sobbing, finally mourning for the loss of her mother and for her own impending death. She vacillates more between hope and despair, but the last few days, she has been despondent, telling me over and again she doesn't want to die--asking me what can be done to stop this. I have nothing to offer. She isn't really expecting me to give an answer, but she doesn't know who else to ask. The doctor, on Thursday, will he offer hope? If so, is it real?  Should she ask him directly, "Is this going to kill me?" We all know the answer, but hearing him say it, would it accomplish anything? I wake everyday thinking about her cancer, thinking about how sick she is. I put on my pants. Find my shoes upstairs, by the front door, climb a second set of stairs and go let the dogs out of their crate, and then take them to the bathroom. Each morning I worry, sick and weak as she is, that she may ge...