Make the World Go Away
Entry 1 7:06 p.m. She doesn't have much, if any, of her faculties left. Those moments of lucidity that do come, bring with it the screaming fear of loss and death. She is too strong for the cancer to take her quickly. Instead, she is haunted by demons, and fantasies that make no sense. I can't say what the point of life is, and I can't say this isn't living, because she is breathing, putting together subjects, verbs, and direct objects in correct order. However, what comes out of her mouth makes no sense, nevertheless. It is killing me. She mostly recognizes me, but this morning was calling me Joe Circus, an appellation I suspect I have earned. I got a two hour massage today. I could barely communicate with the person who beat the shit out of my body, but she did such a good job I gave her a 40 dollar tip. It is the first time in at least 3 years that I have had a massage. It is also the first time since COVID that I have allowed a stranger to be so close ...
