kvetching up

"All the time wasted in high school and college on classes we will never use. Imagine if there was one on red flags and manipulation.That should have been a required class. We're just not taught any of this." "It is absolutely crucial for survivors to find kinder ways to talk to yourselves, it is an essential part of healing. And no, you didn't allow this to happen. Allowing something to happen implies you gave it permission. At no point did you actually consent and sign up for somebody to do this much harm to you."   -D r. Ramani I didn't do it on purpose. I didn't even understand there was anything wrong. I never asked Jenny to be mercurial. I never asked her to be overly-sensitive to the point that one had to walk on egg shells when she was about. I never asked for her simmering anger toward me. All true. But, knowing all of this, I did choose to have children with her. They also didn't choose any of the above. My choices were selfish and stup...

I wrote to the tandem therapist some weeks ago. She responded, if what she said below is deserving of that description. I didn't find her response until today. Perhaps it's brevity and lack of response is borne of legal concerns, or perhaps it's just a failing of a search for the right words. Anyway, the conversation follows. Shayla  <shayla@xxxxxxx.com>  M To: "Geoff D. Miller" <gdmiller88@gmail.com> Hi Geoff,   I am touched to hear from you. I think about you often. It sounds like you have been doing some deep work and reflecting. I am so glad. And even though the pain is still so present it sounds like you and your girls are surviving together.   I want you to know that I have been honored to know you and allowed to peak into your life’s journey. Thank you very much Geoff.   And please feel free to reach out to me when you want to.   Thank you.     -- Shayla , MA, LMFTA,   From:   Geoff D. Miller < gdmiller88@gmail.com...

 Entry 1    8:32 a.m. I miss Jenny and cry for her too much for my own good. I am crying as I type. I am immobilized in grief and depression. I am hoping this writing will help. Love you all.

 Entry 1.    9:22 a.m. After I discovered the affair and stopped sleeping in the marital bed, Jenny would often sleep with a picture of us on her side of the bed. Sometimes, she would go to sleep holding it. It was almost poignant. Still, she wouldn't stop the affair. She was dying. I felt so sad for her. Believing in her sincerity, which had long ago departed, I agonized over her sorrow. I loved her. Despite this, or perhaps because I loved her , I never gave in, never slept in the bed until she turned toward death. But, I was heartbroken and privately questioning if my resolve was cruelty. To find out as she was dying, that these emotions of hers, this sorrow and regret, were some sort of fun house kaleidoscopic mirror, less substantial than shadows of gossamer, made me feel the fool who had no limits to his guilelessness. We want to believe the people who we are with love us. To find that we can at best read tea leaves leaves me with little hope for a future of trust. ...