kvetching up

Entry 1      10:00 a.m.  Every day, darkness . Today I went to wake Jenny and found her sobbing, finally mourning for the loss of her mother and for her own impending death. She vacillates more between hope and despair, but the last few days, she has been despondent, telling me over and again she doesn't want to die--asking me what can be done to stop this. I have nothing to offer. She isn't really expecting me to give an answer, but she doesn't know who else to ask. The doctor, on Thursday, will he offer hope? If so, is it real?  Should she ask him directly, "Is this going to kill me?" We all know the answer, but hearing him say it, would it accomplish anything? I wake everyday thinking about her cancer, thinking about how sick she is. I put on my pants. Find my shoes upstairs, by the front door, climb a second set of stairs and go let the dogs out of their crate, and then take them to the bathroom. Each morning I worry, sick and weak as she is, that she may ge...

 Entry 1     1:49 p.m. I am taking care of the dogs, have emptied and refilled the dishwasher, managed to dress myself and packed 3 boxes, all with my arm in a sling. I tried to pack with two arms  but that was stoopid.  I absolutely love all the physical chicanery y body has played on me these last few months.  The mind-body connection is real. We hired movers. Nevertheless, we are so excited Jenny has invited people to come move boxes over between the time we close and the day of the move.  I even rented a van for a few days before moving to transport boxes.  With my arm and shoulder malfunctioning, and a possible heart problem, well, I am not sure what I should and shouldn't be doing, other than changing my diet completely. Having a new puppy has been a great occupier of my time. I have potty trained her, taught her to sit. If there were ever a custody battle, I'm the primary, hahahaha.  It thrills me. I haven't had a puppy since I wa...

Rearrangement It has been a mundane Sunday.  I woke late, well after 9, thinking it was 7.  I had believed I woke up hearing the bath running.  In fact, Jenny had gotten up with excruciating hip pain and bathed at 5:30 a.m.  When I checked the time, and realized that it wasn't 7, and noted the quiet, I jumped up and checked the bath, worried Jenny had again fallen asleep while soaking in warm water.  The bath was empty, no water and no Jenny.  I found her in bed, awake where I learned of her morning, poor thing.   Weirdly, the dog who eats at 7 every morning, which guarantees I don't sleep in, had not pestered me.  After a brief conversation, I went back to the sectional and texted Leiney to see if she wanted to listen to a Pod.  She came up almost instantly, went and got us all coffee and/or cocoa at the coffee stand, and we began listening.  I finished my 36 oz. of coffee, and offered to make Leiney breakfast.  I got up ...