kvetching up

Abby made a yule log. Last year we ate the one my dear friend Jeremy had given us. Also like last year, I am hiding in my room from the multitudes downstairs. I am exhausted, physically and emotionally. Jenny was actively dying at this time last year, her suffering nothing anyone should have to bear. Just before 6 this morning, I sat downstairs sobbing, the dogs cuddling me. The kids didn't hear me, they were asleep, and I am glad this was the case.  I rarely update now, given that my phone doesn't work properly when I try to make an entry. Everything gets wiped out. Let's just say this Christmas has been quite the success. From the giant tree to the presents the girls received, and the hosting of Christmas and Christmas Eve, all went better than planned.  Still, Christmas has been a painful time for the three of us. I don't know how it couldn't be this way. Despite starting early to salve and distract from the pain, and even though I haven't looked back on Dece...

 Entry 1.   1:57 a.m. No ghost came to visit me on the hour. I won't wake up a changed man. I will wake up with the anguished pleas of Jenny to stop the suffering still ringing in my head. I need her to get admitted today, she is suffering so. I have been awake worrying for nearly 24 hours, and sleep is about as close as the nearest star. Please let this Christmas be memorable for her, let it bring some sustenance for her soul, since she cannot eat anything less ethereal.  May the girls love their gifts and the celebratory atmosphere when my sisters come, and may the roads be clear enough to get to VM easily. Entry 2     8:30 a.m. Jenny is awake, and called me upstairs to visit. She told me she feels better this morning, which is good after last night, when she was in so much pain and so hungry she was begging to die. Christmas morning, let's hope it is peaceful.