Christmas

Abby made a yule log. Last year we ate the one my dear friend Jeremy had given us. Also like last year, I am hiding in my room from the multitudes downstairs. I am exhausted, physically and emotionally. Jenny was actively dying at this time last year, her suffering nothing anyone should have to bear. Just before 6 this morning, I sat downstairs sobbing, the dogs cuddling me. The kids didn't hear me, they were asleep, and I am glad this was the case. 

I rarely update now, given that my phone doesn't work properly when I try to make an entry. Everything gets wiped out. Let's just say this Christmas has been quite the success. From the giant tree to the presents the girls received, and the hosting of Christmas and Christmas Eve, all went better than planned. 

Still, Christmas has been a painful time for the three of us. I don't know how it couldn't be this way. Despite starting early to salve and distract from the pain, and even though I haven't looked back on December 2021 entries, I remember December so well. I remember Jenny sneaking off to be with her boyfriend on Christmas Eve, high on oxycodone and fentanyl, and the pain of discovering she lied about what she was doing, yet again. I'd like to say I wasn't surprised, but rube that I am, I was. 

While Abby doesn't talk about Jenny - not once since Jenny passed - I know she misses her. Leiney, herself, tonight is struggling, also having retreated to her room as we wait for the late dinner that is to come. Our beautiful and large kitchen only has one oven, which is a design flaw, to say the least. So, we are forced to serially cook things. First, sweet potatoes, then a roast, then mac and cheese for the vegetarians. I had envisioned a quick one and done meal. Instead, it feels like the Iditarod. 

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Leiney is home with us for three weeks, as her boyfriend is with his family in Idaho, and she didn't want to be away for Christmas. For this, I am forever grateful. She is at Seattle College right now, trying to figure out what to do next. There is no hurry. Life is her oyster.

Abby, whose ACT score is the equivalent of a 1530 on the SAT, and her SAT as close to that as well, will have almost her pick of schools, given everything else she has going on academically. I am pulling for an East Coast school, but would settle for Scripps or Occidental, given that I just landed a job in Silicon Valley. It is 100% remote for now, but I will be relocating after Abby graduates to Los Angeles or, as they used to say, Greater Los Angeles (or lesser, depending on with whom one is speaking). 

In other news, each of the girls' cars has died, and I am now facing car shopping for both of them. This was not anticipated, but it is what it is. In somewhat related news, I went to pay my auto insurance and saw the rate went up to just shy of $12k. I thought it had to be a mistake. It wasn't. I dropped the insurance carrier almost immediately, after finding a better company that was charging $7k a year less. To be clear, last year I paid just shy of $7k, and this year, with one more car, but one less driver, the price soared despite no tickets or accidents. Oh, well. 


 


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