kvetching up

Entry 3    5:28 p.m. "My body is done. All that is left is pain." So much has happened today in this dingy hospital room.  Three doctors visited, including Dr. P. All told us that the liver bleed is not resolvable. Because the bleed is not resolvable, the pulmonary emboli are not resolvable.  The first doctor told me, with Jenny asleep, it could be days, weeks or a couple of months before she died from this. She confirmed for me that the 1/2 gallon of blood Jenny shed yesterday before getting to the hospital, which was black, shiny and tar-like, likely came out very quickly. The portentous impact of that at the time was unknowable to me. I asked if this is what is going to kill her. The doctor said yes. Then Dr. P. showed up. He said a lot. He made noises about continuing to treat her if that was her wish. But then he said she could die at any moment. The liver bleed is so serious, if she begins bleeding again, she will die quickly. As Dr. P was leaving, Jenny woke. ...

 Entry 1    1:42 p.m. If it's on your list today, you may not find it at Fred Meyer. I am shopping with Abby. Why does everything have to be so complicated? Thankfully, Abby keeps me on task as I stumble through my ADHD and grief riven world.  This place looks like the Huns descended on it, which is funny given the emptiness of the road. Stuff is everywhere, shelves bare, lines ridiculous.  It will take an hour for us to check out, we've been in line 20 minutes, I swear, and have moved an inch or two. So, employee shortage as well. Jenny woke after 10, thankfully. She is incredibly weak, weaker and more unsteady than she was before the procedure. I made her eggs and toast, of which she ate a good portion. She is slurring her words today, which is weird. She is on her normal pain med regimen, or was before I left. Moni arrived shortly after Jenny had breakfast and she, the kids, and I took all the Christmas decorations down.  I got the boxes in, and will sp...

 Entry 1    9:02 a.m. I saw the rain dirty valley You saw Brigadoon I saw the crescent You saw the whole of the moon  -Mike Scott from " The Whole of the Moon ." Willow has taken to whimpering to be let out of her cage well before 6 the last several days.  So, I am awake well before 6. Dealing with dogs is generally a treat with one exception. I need coffee to function, so these early morning Willow risings are tough.  I generally try and let them out, take them outside, and then recrate them until 7.  That strategy worked when she was pulling this early rising a few weeks ago.  Now, it just leads to louder whimpering.  So, what do you call coffee deferred?  I call it a recipe for crankiness. Jenny woke at 8:20 or just after.  She came down the stairs sobbing. Her friend Patty, she made on an internet pancreatic cancer board a few months ago, and with whom she has been journeying, texted her to tell her that she has ascites .  ...