Manos

Entry 3    5:28 p.m.

"My body is done. All that is left is pain." So much has happened today in this dingy hospital room.  Three doctors visited, including Dr. P. All told us that the liver bleed is not resolvable. Because the bleed is not resolvable, the pulmonary emboli are not resolvable. 

The first doctor told me, with Jenny asleep, it could be days, weeks or a couple of months before she died from this. She confirmed for me that the 1/2 gallon of

blood Jenny shed yesterday before getting to the hospital, which was black, shiny and tar-like, likely came out very quickly. The portentous impact of that at the time was unknowable to me. I asked if this is what is going to kill her. The doctor said yes.

Then Dr. P. showed up. He said a lot. He made noises about continuing to treat her if that was her wish. But then he said she could die at any moment. The liver bleed is so serious, if she begins bleeding again, she will die quickly.

As Dr. P was leaving, Jenny woke. He told her that this bleed was serious and not fixable. He told her of the emboli and that they could  not be treated. He told her she would stay at least through tomorrow to watch and see if she started bleeding again. He left.

Then, a third doctor came, an internal medicine specialist, Dr. K. The 3 of us talked at great length about the state of Jenny's health. The doctor explained there is nothing to be done. She got Jenny to agree to hospice. She got Jenny to agree to a DNR by telling Jenny that without a DNR, she will suffer broken ribs and sternum from CPR. She also said there is a risk the blood clots could break loose and kill her from CPR. No DNR would mean Jenny would have to be intubated, et. cetera. Finally, despite Covid precautions, the doctor arranged for the kids to visit. This exception is only allowed for the dying.

The kids were here for a long time with Jenny. I hugged Abby for a long time--she was so very sad, and held Leiney too. Their grief, our grief, is only beginning.

Entry 2.  7:04 a.m.

Jenny is in good spirits, 3 dilaudid will do that. She told me she has two pains, one on each side of her abdomen. "They are named Chris and Mark," Jenny volunteered. When I asked why, she said she didn't know. God bless dilaudid.


Entry 1  6 a.m.

Leaving for hospital. Not sure what's up, need to be there before rounds.

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