King of Kvetch
I think Jenny intended to punch me in the kishka tonight in therapy. What a load of horseshit. I learned several things that were of interest as we sat through her self-pity. I'm losing my patience, but it is self-pity, to be sure. I don't begrudge her sadness over her illness. But this nonsense over the words I exchanged with her abettors last week is just too much--just too much. Tonight she lied, abjectly, saying she was going to lose the help of these schlmiels because of me. Mind you, Heather was here today and no one turned into a pumpkin. Albeit, she remains a shit in my eyes. Heather spent the day with Jenny. Jennifer Murray is here tomorrow. It's all a bunch of nonsense. I think her fear of abandonment makes her just act out. With the therapist, Jenny was so oblique, never saying exactly what the issue was, I was forced to explain what happened, unapologetically. The therapist was unfazed, saying that I had felt the need to speak my truth. Jenny never mentioned she falsely accused me of threatening them. I was too tired, exhausted really, to point that out.
I will say this, she didn't deny her abjectly bad treatment of me in the last week. She did try to tell me that my Caringbridge post was over the top. When I noted that her sisters, the doctor, and even Heather confirmed we all thought she was going to die, she told me her sisters didn't like the post. Okay, fine. That doesn't change the fact we all thought you were dying. Also, they asked me to post an update. They can write the rest.
She just lies. She complained that she is essentially a prisoner in this house, unable to go anywhere or see anyone. When I noted she was out on Sunday, yesterday, today, and had visitors, well, that was awkward. She didn't dare complain about driving.
When she told me today that she intended to drive, I told her that given her hallucinations have been as recent as Saturday, I would call the cops if she dared get behind the wheel. But that doesn't mean she can't go out. She just can't drive herself to where she wants to go. It got so ridiculous this evening that she refused her oxycodone dosage at 4. She is dependent on the drug at this point, and it isn't just her such a refusal impacts. She gets terribly irritable without it, and we all suffer as she decompensates. I found out why she wants to drive so desperately. More on that in a bit.
She complained that she has to stay home after 4 pm each day (her decision), and is now terribly lonely. The reason she was to stay home is to be with family, but family sometimes isn't with her at 4. I straight up told her that Kim has been here to spend time with her--which has been more than just fine, btw. I told her I am not downstairs after 4 because the Olympics are constantly on downstairs, and, more significantly these last several days she has been nothing but mean to me. So, to avoid her bad treatment and the Olympics, I went to entertain myself elsewhere in the house. I noted no one is stopping her, least of all me, from going anywhere she wants. And while acknowledging that Abby is often at acting or doing homework, I reminded her the idea is that we have an opportunity each day to spend time as a family. There is no obligation. More people visit Jenny each day than people visit a port-a-potty at the Gorge when they are giving away free wine. I mean, our place is busy. So, staying home after 4:00 p.m. isn't the end of the world. Also, no one has made a fuss about her not meeting this obligation, which she hasn't. What could be driving this?
After listening for much of the time to Jenny's now epic and always baseless whinging, I was perplexed, but not suspicious. I should have been. An hour into the tandem therapy session, Jenny drops this: "I have to have a hard conversation." Whenever this utterance escapes her mouth, it means one thing: el pinché. Sure enough. See if Jenny leaves after 4, antennae would now be raised, of that I fully admit. So she had to do this here, had to raise this issue here, had to behave in this way to make it as dramatic as possible, to create a false problem. It also confirms my belief that she just loves drama and has it in her head I will go ape-shit when she discusses el pinché.
She announces that tomorrow she wants to go to dinner with Eick and el pinché at Daniel's Broiler, because it may be the last time she will ever see him. Horse hockey. This woman isn't going anywhere. Moreover, she sees him at will and lies like breathing when it comes to this piece of shit. In response, I patiently remind her that I told her 18 months ago I will not prevent her from seeing him and, in fact, had not. I said then, and I said again tonight, "You don't need my permission. You do you. I'm not going to be happy that you are going to see him, in fact I will be very unhappy. But make your choices." Just don't expect me to ratify them. She cries crocodile tears about how bad she feels, and I try my best to keep my silence. Then the tandem therapist, who is typically about as useful as yesterday's weather forecast actually says, "I'm glad you raised this issue. It fits with your promise to always be truthful about Eric el pinché." I am in disbelief, wondering if she is a new iteration of the counselor we have had heretofore or just stupid. I mean she was at the recent session where I demonstrated Jenny had lied about her inability to see el pinché, a lie she had been propagating for months. Exasperated, I said, "Let's not even begin this discussion. I am leaving to take my daughter to Target." We were 10 minutes past the end of session. I left, exhausted from all the bullshit. All the lying, the stilted and now always unsuccessful attempts to manipulate me, the ability to fool people like the therapist into thinking she is a shining example of humility, foresight, truthfulness and kindness.
Just before the session, she actually tried to tell me that I misunderstood the text exchange I saw between el pinche and herself. You know, this one:
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