Morning Reading In The Backyard
I'm terrified. Jenny has stage iv pancreatic cancer, unnresected (meaning no surgery to remove tumor because its inoperable at this point
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Because I Could Not Stop For Death
Because I could not stop for Death – He kindly stopped for me – The Carriage held but just Ourselves – And Immortality. -from Emily Dickinson's, "Because I Could Not Stop for Death." It's chemo day. This morning I went into my office for the second time in the last year, and then met Jenny at chemo. We are sitting and waiting for the actual administration of the poison. I am sleepy and contemplative. I am also very concerned. It's hard to tell what the doctor is thinking, given his propensity for avoiding the conversation about prognosis--his utter refusal to discuss disease progression. But, he came in incredibly subdued and remained uncharacteristically mopey. It is hard to say if he is worried about Jenny or if he has other patients, other things on his mind. I would need the ability to read minutiae like that of a sovietologist to figure out the reason for Dr. P's mood. What I can report is that Jenny's CA19-9 is up again, another 400 points, to 3...