kvetching up

 Entry 1     10:49 a.m. “When a man, however passively, becomes an obstacle to the fulfillment of a woman's desires, he becomes an odious thing in her eyes, - or will, given time enough.”  ― Theodore Dreiser, Sister Carrie Jenny's friend with PDAC is contemplating a second opinion, and sent Jenny her latest CT scan. Stephen King would quit writing novels after reviewing it.  That said, as Jenny and I walked through it, it allowed for a very explicit conversation about the limited nature of options that will follow, should the disease stay its course.  Jenny said to me that if she ever goes on hospice, she would volunteer for any experimental surgery that is out there.  While there isn't any such thing for a person with metastatic PDAC, which I pointed out, I also said that should something arise, the last person who would be considered is someone on hospice. You are so sick by then, you would not meet the rather important consideration of post-sur...

  Entry 1     7:48 a.m. I woke up at 6:00 a.m. to a dog scratching at my bedroom door.  Because I am leaving for a week on Monday to backpack in the North Cascades, Jenny wanted the dogs with her last night as practice and to allow them to get used to being with her at night. She crated Willow but not Buddy, apparently. Depending on the night, he may or may not share Willow's crate. While Jenny had her door closed, many rooms in our home have cat openings in the doors, and pudgy little Buddy somehow manages to fit through them.  I took him out to the bathroom while Jenny remained asleep.  I bring him in, he has some water and it's back to bed.  For about 10 minutes. Buddy fits through this opening somehow . At 6:20, as per usual, Willow is alive, alert, awake,  enthusiastic.  I climb out of bed, pull my Levis on, and walk to Jenny, who is just opening the door. She gives me a disdainful look as Willow, freed from her crate, dashes to my...

  Florence , Oregon  Not to be a snob, but if you are brown, black, Asian, Latinx, gay,  liberal, disabled, or are a woman with little or no hair who could be read as being queer, well, small town America is about as welcoming as a Currier and Ives tableau.  Yes, they too were abject racists. Guess I should toss my sanitized coffee table book of their works.  Florence, Oregon, ostensibly ensconced in a blue county is, well, utterly scary.  We saw Nazi bikers, American flag art (always a dead giveaway), a bar with a sign that said any government inspector would require a warrant prior to entering the premises to inspect.  Meanwhile, here we are bopping along, my brown leftist queer daughter who was instructed by me not to wear her "defund the police" mask and who couldn't quit ranting about Christian Fascists; my other queer daughter with gorgeously died red hair and out and proud; my white wife whose hair has grown back just enough so that she looks s...

"But you just couldn't bear to do me any harm So you just sulk" -from Sulk by Billy Bragg I told a dear friend a story last night that I hadn't planned to write down here, but I have to tell the story of this morning's interaction and that requires last night's conversation for context. I woke up thinking it was morning again in America. Anyway, it felt like a good day, given how Mother's Day had ended with Jenny being so content. Jenny sunned herself most of yesterday afternoon, after running a couple of errands.  I am so glad the sun is out, and the backyard in good enough shape that Jenny can enjoy herself.  I kind of worked during the day, took some calls, had a couple meetings, it is still very slow for me, though.   If you want to bend my arm, well you could do it with a little more charm.  .   . I did my mundane and routine chores, watering the garden, putting out the bins for pickup, blah, blah.  Jenny came in from sunning herself and sat ...

Walking on the Moon Dizzy.  Three days now.  Overwhelming.  Scary.  Worried I have a brain bleed.  It comes in waves. I went to urgent care on Sunday.  MRI and CT.  My brain is photogenic. No bleeds, no tumors.  I go back today.   This has been going on since Wednesday.  On Saturday, I saw Jenny and Abby parking Abby's car after acting. I had been out walking.  I was so dizzy it felt like I was walking on the moon, or jumping up and down on a very springy mattress.  Sunday, another episode hit while in full repose in Abby's car.   I was going to leave around 2. She went to see Eric the pinche motherfucker today and had therapy--which is 50 minutes, right?  Therapy started late.  12:43. She just texted me that she just finished therapy  and is on her way home.  I'm sure she was lying.