kvetching up

Today   Compare and contrast.

Entry 1 9:42 a.m. Let me first say that Jenny has, no matter who it is you ask, the best PDAC oncologist there is. Period.  He is like the little French chocolate, non-pariels, of doctors.  That said, yesterday was again a day of frustration for me. I have so much concern for what the doctor said to us, and so many questions.  To raise those issues with Dr. P., who comes off as Moses sans beard, holding his stone tablet decrees, and me down below worshiping a golden calf.   Jenny's CA 19-9 went up: The doctor said it went up just a bit, nothing really to worry about. Really, he said, your cancer is stable, "maybe a little worse."  But stable.  The CA 19-9 numbers are see-sawing, but the general trend is through the roof.  42845.1 U/ml as of yesterday. Baseline, 14 months ago, was 846 U/ml.  So, its 42k higher. Jenny, as is her way, won't look for another week or so, and I, of course, per her wishes, won't share the information with her. Jenny...

  Entry 1     8:54 a.m. Willow has learned to fly, or so she thinks.   Last night, as Jenny was laying on the sectional, Willow came around the corner, jumped and cleared the back of the couch. She pulled off a perfect four-point landing.  She literally stuck the landing. Unfortunately, by stuck I mean she landed on Jenny's chest where the needle from the chemo pump enters the port to her vein.  Jenny didn't see it coming. Neither of us did.  Jenny, after pushing off a clueless and cuddly behemoth (its like cuddling Wm. "Refrigerator" Perry as a toddler at this point), doubled over, more in fear than in pain.  But finding her port was secure, she wss still understandably shaken and also angry. She went to bed. This morning, she woke to find the chemotherapy drug FolFox leaked and leaking all over her clothes, and the needle completely out from the port. She bagged the pump and needle, and called Dr. P. The best laid plans, and all that. ...

Entry 8 The cancer is growing. One of her mets grew a full centimeter in a couple months. All of her mets have grown. Her CA 19-9 is at almost 26k.  Dr. P told her the cancer is progressing.  She will soon receive, as of August 12, Folfox for 8 weeks.  During that time they will biopsy her liver to do genetic testing to see if any targeted therapy will work. The hardest part, the hardest most painful part of the day, came when we met with palliative care.  They were taken aback that she thinks she can work full-time, out of the gate.  She asked Dr. B., "Aren't there people who just go on living with tumors on their liver and live normal lives for a long time?"  He took a deep breath, paused and said, "Not really." Then, they talked a bit about having a terminal disease, which is hard for Jenny to hear. But the social worker ratcheting it up after the palliative care doctor left, began discussing the fact that this will kill Jenny. At one point she tal...

Entry 1     7:57 a.m. " She's So Many Women, He Can't Find The One Who Was His Friend" I'm going to a cardiologist next week.  Even absent an MI, something is rotten in the state of Denmark. Heart problems run in the family.  Killed my uncle.  So, I now have a cardiologist.  Moving up in the world, also, just around the time I receive my AARP card.  Perfect. I am typing with one hand.  it isn't terrible.  It does allow for fewer typing errors.  I will make an appt. to get an MRI on my shoulder and back today. I feel like some old engine that's lost its driving wheel . Meanwhile, Leiney is working two jobs.  She went from camp counselor to door knocking for Amnesty this week.  12 hour days.  Outside,  Wrangling kids and engaging in political conversations. She is exhausted, but in heaven.