kvetching up

  Entry 1 Driving home from spending time with Jenny's family, we repeatedly had a conversation about how devalued Jenny felt when no one asked her about her work that she wasn't important and that her worth was devalued. In their eyes, she would say, I am just a teacher. I would reassure her that her work was the most important work any of us did, and that teachers have historically been paid less because the workplace is so gendered. She looked for insult at each successive visit at any family event, and took greater umbrage.  It is absolutely true that other people's work would be discussed, and that it was rare that we would discuss Jenny's work. I don't know why that is, but it was a thing. I can say that when she was a new teacher she would regale all of us with stories, like when one of her students in her special ed class, would routinely pull his pants down and eat his flaking penis skin and how she dealt with it. As time went on, and maybe because she beca...

 Entry 1     1:49 p.m. I am taking care of the dogs, have emptied and refilled the dishwasher, managed to dress myself and packed 3 boxes, all with my arm in a sling. I tried to pack with two arms  but that was stoopid.  I absolutely love all the physical chicanery y body has played on me these last few months.  The mind-body connection is real. We hired movers. Nevertheless, we are so excited Jenny has invited people to come move boxes over between the time we close and the day of the move.  I even rented a van for a few days before moving to transport boxes.  With my arm and shoulder malfunctioning, and a possible heart problem, well, I am not sure what I should and shouldn't be doing, other than changing my diet completely. Having a new puppy has been a great occupier of my time. I have potty trained her, taught her to sit. If there were ever a custody battle, I'm the primary, hahahaha.  It thrills me. I haven't had a puppy since I wa...

A Heart That's Full Up Like A Landfill Chemo bye-week.  Its quiet.  I am laying on the McCrosky mattress while Jenny is in the living room watching the Friends Reunion.   If I'm honest, things are strange here.  Not bad strange, just strange. Maybe we are just a microcosm of our times.    Snippets of the actor's voices waft into this room from the tv Jenny is watching.  Mixed with this are sounds of Abby's show that is playing  in the kitchen, turned up loud enough to be heard  over the whirr of the Kitchen-Aid , and the dog's nails clicking down the hardwoods  as he leaves the room, each step  sounding like a slim branch hitting a window as it sways in the wind. Alexander cutting the Gordian knot As I lay here collecting my thoughts, Jenny texts, asking if I think she should take more pain meds. Her pain is rising again.  I tell her I do think so if she is in pain, and suggest she discuss it with the palliative care docto...

You can't write if you can't relate Trade the cash for the beef for the body for the hate And my time is a piece of wax falling on a termite That's choking on the splinters --from Loser by Beck I wanted to avoid madness.  The days have been so calm.  But it wasn't to be.  Monday evening was nothing special.  Just Jenny, Abby and me doing our evening routines. Jenny surfing Facebook and texting with the pinché motherfucker, Abby writing songs and playing her guitar in her room, and me my head in the clouds, thinking all was quiet on the western front.  It wasn't to be.  Jenny, sitting in a corner of the sectional, said to me, "I just want to warn you I think I'm going to have a breakdown."  I didn't move to comfort her, although she made it clear she was on the knife's edge.  I'm not sure why I didn't move to comfort her. No matter, I just didn't.   She began to cry, a deep inconsolable cry, tired of living with a terminal illne...