kvetching up

 Entry 1 9:22 p.m. W hat a long day of troubles.  It was a day of upset and good news. Like Yin and Yang or the spread of the omicron virus and extending work from home for several more months.   First, my friend in Wisconsin had zero margins after her procedure. This means her cancer is gone. They got all of it. Her kids can stop worrying. Her friends can breathe a sigh of relief. Also, fuck cancer. It's the best news I have heard in a long time, and it truly made my morning. Great way to start the day.  It didn't get better, although, in fairness, it is hard to imagine how it could, other things being equal. I woke Jenny at 10. Feeling horrible, her bowl of applesauce from last night, sitting in the bed barely touched, the bowl miraculously not upset while she slept.  She looked dehydrated, defeated, disappointed, haggard, worn, spent. Its that look you get when it's 3 a.m. and you've been driving down a strange highway since the bartender kicked you out ...

Musings After Coffee I had a thought for no one's but your ears: That you were beautiful, and that I strove To love you in the old high way of love; That it had all seemed happy, and yet we'd grown As weary-hearted as that hollow moon. -William Butler Yeats, from Adam's Curse Satan Touching Job with Boils Wm. Blake What is true, what is real is that we stopped working. Looking back, I remember when the fighting stopped. I was relieved. Does this mean that I had already given up? I hadn't been intentionally creating conflict. I was relieved when she was with her friends, it meant one less point of contact in which fighting might occur. But no, we were getting along better before D day. I was convinced. My children would say the same. We had traveled through Europe in 2018 happy as larks--okay with the exception of our anniversary date, when we had a row in front of the kids. I am as blind as a drunk with his hat over his eyes. Yes, even now. I have no idea how I...