kvetching up

 Entry 1    12:15 p.m. Jenny is in the hospital until Wednesday. I am home with the girls. She has a procedure in the morning. Not much else to report. Our heat pump stopped working, so our backup electric heat system kicked in. It is for shit. We have the gas fireplace and two electric heaters in the living room to supplement the electric heat that kicks in when the heat pump isn't working. It is quiet here. The girls are on the sofa, and have been together for more than an hour. It is a combination of the cold basement, the need for emotional support to deal with the fears we all harbor, that drove Abby from her lair.  I am grateful.  So many of Jenny's friends are reaching out. The time is coming that I will talk to them for the last time. I am dreading Jenny's death. I am also dreading the pregnant "how are you doing" questions that will come for the next year or years. The "I am so sorry" and "How are the kids handling this?" statements an...

 Entry 1     10:24 p.m. Processes and mechanisms associated with cancer-associated cachexia Cachexia, also known as wasting disease, is a condition that is common among cancer patients, and is often what kills you before the cancer itself. I've written about it here before. Jenny weighed 147 lbs. last night, which seems to be a stable weight. She is so thin and gaunt it is incredible. But, sans chemo--its been four weeks, she seems more robust. She can't stand for long periods of time, she can't walk for very many feet without risking collapse, but she has stopped the freefall.  Her meds still haven't arrived from wherever they are being shipped from, and Christ only knows what the cancer is up to inside her body.   Yesterday, a family friend brought over a treadmill for Jenny to use in her battle against cachexia. Cachexia weight loss eliminates lean muscle mass and the good fat in your body, rendering you weak and without energy reserves.  ...

Entry 1     9:11 a.m. The blissful memories of raising our children in the big craftsman back in the day still hangs in my mind.  On the other hand, giving the house up to live in California felt right and still feels right, given the way Home? life has gone. I don't know what doors would have opened, and what doors I might have closed forever, making that decision, but I know to my core it was the right one.  That said, Jenny and I are tired of being renters, and I want her to be comfortable in her own home.   We have managed to save lots of money--strangely even more since the affair was found out. I am watching finances, and they aren't in hotels 2x a month on our dime aren't out at restaurants, nor secretly traveling together for 5 day get-a-ways to Las Vegas, or elsewhere. And yes, despite all that, despite the fact that she won't let go of that, and that I sleep on the couch, I want out of this rental and back in a home of our own.  Today we bid ...