Ennui, Anomie, Und Schadenfreude--3 Of My Favorite Words. What A Jerk.
Entry 1 10:27 a.m. Just before our love got lost you said, "I am as constant as a northern star." And I said, "Constantly in the darkness Where's that at? If you want me I will be in the bar." -from " A Case of You " by Joni Mitchell Tuesday Two days away from chemotherapy. I am wondering, as always, what that will bring. CA 19-9, the cancer antigen/marker measurement, usually isn't done every week. But I have a sneaking suspicion that this will now change, given the last reading. Jenny seems remarkably healthy, off this morning to school, ostensibly to visit with her principal. Ostensibly. Life is so disjointed in this time. Everything is up in the air, everything unclear. COVID-19 alone would have screwed me up, but all the transitions, the shift or shifts in thinking and expectation(s), the loss of narrative thread. Who am I, even? Who the fuck are you? I thought I gave up angst as a teenager. I had...