kvetching up

  Entry 1     5:16 p.m. Jenny weighs 148.1 lbs., she told me this morning. I took it well, in front of her. After a morning of excruciating pain, she went to fetch Leiney from Bellingham.  Rocked from her rapid weight loss, I went to Safeway. Ostensibly there to get cream cheese for some concoction Abby is making, I instead engaged in retail therapy, buying holiday signifiers like a poinsettia, a pie for tomorrow, vodka for the lavender drinks I will make, cardamom bitters, Lifesaver books, and so on and so forth. I cried while shopping. That hasn't happened for a time, like ever. Last night in tandem therapy Jenny expressed upset that I told her in last week's session that whether she stops seeing Eric or not is immaterial. I am not interested in rapprochement, in rebuilding. She is right, I did say that and have been saying it for 15 months. This is nothing new.  I didn't suddenly get angry or upset, instead I had an overwhelming sense of sadness at her s...

Jenny started the folfiri regimen today, the gemabraxane cisplatin regimen cut short by low neutrophil counts. I accompanied her. Nervous all morning because of pain she has been having in her very lower back down to the bottom of her buttocks, our nerves made worse because today was a scan day. We both were worried that the cancer had spread.   Good news, the pain Jenny has been suffering with was caused by constipation according to Picozzi, not  the cancer.  More good news, the cancer hasn't spread. However, her tumor has grown, as has the met on her liver, although neither by much. [And, they found a new met]. I was writing this in bed at the hovel of an apartment, but now am sitting at Virginia Mason, after Jenny was transported here at 2:15 in the morning for excruciating pain in her lower back and abdomen, so bad she couldn't walk.  She is a woman, mind you, a woman who passed a kidney stone at the ski lodge and went back on the slopes and who has given bi...