Home Sings Me Of Sweet Things

Entry 1    9:11 a.m.

The blissful memories of raising our children in the big craftsman back in the day still hangs in my mind.  On the other hand, giving the house up to live in California felt right and still feels right, given the way
Home?


life has gone. I don't know what doors would have opened, and what doors I might have closed forever, making that decision, but I know to my core it was the right one.  That said, Jenny and I are tired of being renters, and I want her to be comfortable in her own home.  

We have managed to save lots of money--strangely even more since the affair was found out. I am watching finances, and they aren't in hotels 2x a month on our dime aren't out at restaurants, nor secretly traveling together for 5 day get-a-ways to Las Vegas, or elsewhere.

And yes, despite all that, despite the fact that she won't let go of that, and that I sleep on the couch, I want out of this rental and back in a home of our own.  Today we bid on the third home in as many
weeks.  We have bid 40 over asking, 90 over asking, and now 60 over asking for an immaculate craftsman in South Park. The neighborhood may be one of the last mixed-income neighborhoods left in Seattle.  We can afford to offer more, but it likely won't appraise for more than asking, and we don't want to put our substantial but not limitless savings into that.  Even so, if we don't get this home, it will sting like the others before it.  

I need Jenny to have a sanctuary that is hers. A place where she can feel at peace, be at peace.  The river is a short two blocks away, the park as well.  The park is being refurbished and should be finished this summer. Despite being the cheapest house on which we have bid, I doubt we get it, given the insanity of the market, this despite offering 10 percent over asking.

Jenny is in bed, wracked with anxiety, alleviated only by puppy kisses and Buddy snuggles.  I hope between work hours today that we can go on a walk with the dogs and get her mind off the things that
are troubling her.  I need her to find a better place, figuratively, where she can experience some modicum of--I don't know--not misery?  On Saturday, she was bugger all blue, and then her friend came with the dog, and the two of them socialized for 5 hours, and she was out of her funk, only to dive right back in when her friend returned home.  I don't know how much of that is putting on a face for the public, and how much is driven by her genuine need to be social--something I lack, much to my chagrin. No matter, we will just keep working to find that which will lessen the sadness.  I do this for her, but also for the rest of us, because melancholy around 3 depressives is infectious.  While my kids and I have been incredibly resilient, its only a matter of time if we don't work to fix this, that sadness will spread. Keeping a stiff upper lip actually is important to get through this.
Entry 2    10:15 a.m.

Well damn.

"We show that a significant correlation between objective treatment response and CA 19-9 serum concentrations at the start of treatment and, therefore, a decrease of CA 19-9 >20% after 8 weeks of chemotherapy is able to separate patients into groups with significantly different survival times. CA 19-9 changes not only at the beginning of the therapy but also a recurrent increase of CA 19-9 after an initial biochemical response was associated with a short median survival time of the patients. Unfavourable prognostic factors are the presence of metastatic disease, high preoperative concentrations of CA 19-9 (Lundin et al, 1994; Safi et al, 1998), and a poor performance status correlate with poor survival (Ishii et al, 1997). In our study, the alteration of CA 19-9 was the strongest independent prognostic factor, whereas clinical benefit response failed to be a prognostic factor."
Entry 3    2:24 PM

Leisure Suit Larry, the patron saint of realtors, must be lighting a candle for us today. For the third time in the last 3 or 4 weeks, we have managed to drive the price of a home well over asking, but did not get the home.  I, for one, am relieved and disappointed.  Relieved we didn't offer more over asking, because I didn't want to cover the distance between appraisal and offer, which I am certain there would have been. Disappointed because it was a sweet house, nicely redone, in an adorable neighborhood.  Where is Susan Powter when you need her, someone has to stop this insanity.

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