How Many More Times?

Entry 1    9:18 a.m.

The Final Countdown

Folfiri day.  I built this chart last night, because I understand numbers better visually.  The last data point is from yesterday, but is not labeled as such, some weird artifact of Excel. Folfiri's efficacy is better than gemabraxane.  Her mets, and yes, as a reread of the radiology report confirms, her tumor has also grown by .5 cm.  Also, there are new mets on the liver, two sub-measurable, one .6 mm. This could explain the pain increase, if the tumor grew in such a manner as to push on the celiac nerve plexus, a bundle of nerves adjacent to the pancreas.

I hate this day because it brings terrific nausea, anxiety, and suffering for Jenny.  Additionally, we are all anxious worrying for her. This is the final stretch of 48 weeks of chemo, weeks 40-48. Chemo every other week, with a take-home pump.  On the bright side, the bernedoodle comes Saturday afternoon.

What happens after this regime is over?  More chemo.  Not sure the contours of design of the plan yet.  But the next move is more chemo, and then, more chemo.

I've opened up the comments section to all.  Say hi, sometime, let me know who's reading. 
Entry 2    11:51

I had a colloquy with a high school friend who used to work for Dr. P as his primary RN.  I updated her on Jenny's status, and discussed my concerns about Dr. P's inability to see past chemotherapy uber alles and to appreciate the importance of quality of life.  She confirmed to me that Dr. P handles the decline of care by patients poorly, and recommended that we stay closely linked to the palliative care team, should that arise.  She also confirmed that growth of the tumor and mets is a signal that the gemcitabine is no longer working. 
Entry 3.    3:11 p.m.

Let me get this off my chest. It is super amazing to see Jenny texting her lover while waiting for chemo.  I live for this.  
Seriously, I am grateful that time and an amazing therapist have got me to rhe point where self-immolation is off the table, and where I don't get butt hurt knowing she thinks so little of me.  BTW, I have never heard or seen the use of the word immolation outside of self-immolation.  "The house immolated" or "we immolated the wood in the backyard," just don't hear that.  Is this word even useful?  I could just say, "I'm gonna set myself on fire," and not use a two dollar word for a 10 cent sentiment.

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