Updates

Since a recent phone update, none of my browsers on this phone work correctly when using blogger. I don't know if it's a software problem or a platform problem, but it has made my ability to post on the fly almost impossible.

In fact, it just erased about 1000 words that followed. Fuck.































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































As much as I love all the secular and most of the non-secular parts of the holiday season, even with the celebratory atmosphere, my feeling, aside from child rearing, rearing, that my life has been less than purposeful is ever present. 
































































I have a purposeless career, and meaningless day to day living. This along wabith an inability to feel connected to anything besides my dogs or anyone besides my children is unlike anything I have experienced. It isn't being anchorless. I am just not able to feel connected.
































































I thought Jenny would outlive me. I always believed that, and she did as well, as evidenced by a discussion she had via text back in 2013 with a friend in which she was disparaging me, but noting she would one day,had some through the swing of the reader's mower, be free of me. We had, it seems, both had some hope 












I thought Jenny loved me. More than that, I never imagined she would purposely hurt me.

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