We Sit Here Stranded/But All Do Our Best To Deny It



Entry 1. 8:22 a.m.


Sipping coffee on my deck, listening to Susan Tedeschi covering Angel from Montgomery, my eyes a well of tears. The dogs are full of hijinks this morning, as if trying through their play to take my mind off the sorrow at hand.  They are a blessing.

Jenny summoned me well before 8, her pain raging. I gave her pain quelling drugs and a hug, her lean muscle mass disappearing before my eyes. She said to me quietly the thing I have been fearing of late, she doesn't want to die near someone's birthday--meaning Leiney or Abby's birthdays. It is hard to see how we avoid that, if I am to be honest. To her I said that someone has a birthday every day, and let's focus on today, on right now, and how we get through this day.  She nodded in agreement. I left the room before she could see the tears. Sacred music from my childhood helps.

Work will keep me busy today.  Unfortunately.

Entry 2 8:41 a.m.

Jenny is telling a friend on the phone she is looking into treatment in Mexico. Here is what I think that is worth.

Entry 3     10:22 a.m.

Today is harder than yesterday. Jenny leaves soon for her blood transfusion. I am trying to find purchase anywhere I can, feeling like we are trapped in a ceaseless landslide. "How can I explain? It's so hard to get on."

Entry 4      12:32 p.m.

There is no shelter from the storm.

Entry 5    10:05 p.m.
I want to be at the Blue Moon circa 1990 drinking a Guinness with Brett, single and marginally happy. Time's arrow won't fly backwards outside the quantum realm, so I will have to settle with laying naked in my bed, having to do nothing for anyone else. It's not quite the same, but it'll do. 
Today Jenny's friend Becky kept her company in the morning. Chris, Jenny's sister took her to her transfusion. Cherelle came and walked the dogs. Heather brought her handyman over with his twenty foot ladder to replace the lights on the chandelier. Another friend brought a dinner Jenny was craving. I marvel at this village.



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