Entry 1. 1:04 p.m.
I was up with Frank into
the wee small hours of the morning, when the whole wide world is fast asleep. I wasn't listening to that masterpiece, the first-ever concept album by the way (yes, the king of cool, ol' blue eyes invented that now dead construct), but to his first Christmas album. I bought it at Peaches🍑 Records, near my then home in the U-District. It was the day Jenny and I went on our first date, seeing The Act Theater's production of
A Christmas Carol. I also bought Bummed Out Christmas, but that seemed too on point.
Jenny threw up all of her stomach contents again this morning. She is having broth now, but I am fairly convinced, given she has thrown up every day for days on end, that this will not stay with her either.
She was out running errands, when she called to tell me. I am not kidding. She can't stand for more than a few seconds, nor walk more than a few feet without risking collapse, has no nutrition in her body, and is now receiving 20 mg. of straight oxycodone at a time, and she went out to run errands. It was all she could do to get back in the house. I was cleaning the kitchen when she came in, and Leiney lent her assistance to the couch, where I fed her more bone broth and gave her a barf bag for the inevitable.[Turns out, she wasn't running errands, she was with el pinché.]
We made a plan on the phone, that she would agree to be admitted tomorrow evening. She won't miss Christmas with the girls or my side of the family.
I called her sisters so that we could reinforce the decision to be admitted while we are at Christmas Eve dinner at Moni's. I'm even more pissed now than I have been that Moni insisted on doing this Christmas Eve celebration at her home. Jenny will have to walk up stairs in the dark. Jenny will have to walk period, and then sit and not eat the traditional meal and cookies.
The C/T Came Back The Very Same Day
So, I am going to talk about this, despite the feelings about this I expressed yesterday. The results are unbelievable, and offer no shelter for hope. None. Some months ago, not sure how long, I complained that we are never told how many mets she has on her liver. Here is what Tuesday's report disclosed:
"There has been rapid interval increase in size and decrease in density of the innumerable hepatic metastases."
So, now we know. Also, some of the growth since Dec 2, is massive. The cancer has kicked into overdrive.
The primary tumor hasn't grown, and in fact appears to be partially necrotic and with a gas bubble in it. That sounded like good news--the necrosis--but the report's author believes it is an indication of the cancer becoming more aggressive. While the tumor hasn't changed in size, it somehow is now invading the duodenum and may be exchanging fluid with it, also not good.
The kidney artery and left renal vein are partially encased by the tumor. Three weeks ago it was only the vein. If the artery is occluded, or stenosis occurs, she will go septic and suffer organ failure, I suspect.
It just keeps going. Her superior mesenteric artery (SMA) is completely encased, it was never completely encased before. And the SMV is "severely encased and [also there is] narrowing of the venous collaterals in the abdomen and esophageal varices." This means blood is being blocked in the artery and the veins such that new ones that are likely dead ends, are being created. Again, not good. The tumor is now abutting the abdominal aorta, also new.
Finally, for now, and this may be the worst news the Radiologist's findings disclosed:
"New subtle findings suggesting peritoneal carcinomatosis with minimal ascites.". What is that?
"Peritoneal carcinomatosis is a rare type of cancer that can develop when gastrointestinal or gynecologic cancers spread. That can cause tumors to grow in the peritoneum, the thin layer of tissue that lines the abdomen and covers most of the abdominal organs."
Ascites is fluid that is a product of the cancer. It will fill interstitial areas, the peritoneal cavity and the tissue that surrounds the lungs. My mother was practically drowning in it when she died.
Jenny hasn't read the report, won't read it, doesn't know. Not sure how I can sit with it. I talked to my eldest about it, she is old enough to know. Abby, I only told we are going to hospital tomorrow evening.
I believe Jenny will see her birthday, but who knows anything anymore?
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