The Gestalt of Days


Every Sunday Afternoon We Forget About Our Cares

I awoke this morning in a good mood.  A strange night of sleep.  I had dreams about my family and the affair, which hasn't really happened before.  But the dream was vivid.  I had to remind myself it was a dream, so as not to carry that around all day. I checked on Jenny frequently through the morning. She slept until around 10.  I came in and, per usual, she immediately hid her telephone. You can't hide your phone in an unobtrusive or secretive manner when the person you are hiding it from is facing you, three feet away. I didn't say anything.  I made peace, not with the affair, but with the pointlessness of forcing her to lie to me when I ask her what's going on, or to lie to me and tell me there isn't an affair happening any more.  Again, hiding the phone is a regular occurrence, if not daily, almost daily.  I do find it tedious.  

Jenny is depressed, which isn't new. Two days ago the palliative care doc declined to give her anti-depressants for now.  I think that was a bad plan.  I tried to get her to go for a walk, she balked.  I tried to get her to go to the store with me, she declined.  The good news is she has a meeting in a few minutes with her "cancer coach."  I mean, maybe it's good news. I feel like meeting with Madame Cleo might be as effective.
Jenny's sister Chris has agreed and will be taking Jenny to her hydration today.  This is lovely for me, who would otherwise and have always had to drive Jenny to VM for the IV treatment. Jenny's complaining to her sisters seems to have paid off.

Entry 2    5:43 PM

Jenny came home feeling blue after receiving IV hydration.  The discussions the last two days have been hard.  It's so tough, she had a second session with the cancer coach, and came home more upset than ever. I comforted her, pulled her to my side and rubbed her head, held her shoulder.  I got up to feed the dog and came back, and she was on her phone, turned it away from me and then laid down with her feet toward me, while staying on her phone.  I'm feeling the love, people.

 

Comments

  1. Cheryl RSJune 4, 2021 at 3:11 PM

    Cancer coaches who preach the power of positivity can fuck right off. Cancer does not care. No one “beats” cancer. It either responds to treatment or it doesn’t. The very best thing that a positive attitude can do is to make you feel better and help your immune system function more effectively. At best. But it doesn’t kill cancer cells. And pretending you can positive-think the cancer away causes more guilt and anguish for patients and their families. Might as well be taking Laetrile.

    ReplyDelete
  2. nigelJune 4, 2021 at 5:38 PM

    Speaking of laetrile. Jenny has promised a trip to Mexico when her treatment stops working. Both my eldest and I have offered to play podcasts describing the grifters down there who promise shlock cures. She said she doesn't care.

    ReplyDelete

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