Looking Hard For A One-Handed Oncologist

 Entry 1     7:48 p.m.

The dogs generously let me sleep until 5:30 a.m., bless their waggity tails. I am finding Willow's barking, exacerbated by Buddy's amen corner yip yipping, particularly vexing this morning. They make up for it by being so damned sweet and funny. 

Today I will tackle the remaining 6 boxes or so in the garage.  I say this every weekend and hope to follow through today.  

I hadn't thought of it until now, but it seems unlikely we will go to the Carpinito Brother's Halloween corn maze this year, the end of a tradition. It brings back this strong memory of my mother, weakened by the effects of chemo and suffering from neuropathy, sitting in her car and waiting, while we took a 5 year old Leiney and a wee Abby to a pumpkin patch and corn maze in Everett.  She was sick, forlorn, and devastatingly sad, waiting for us to finish the excursion. She wanted desperately to participate, cancer got in the way.  It is so vivid, unlike every other visit to pumpkin patches with the family.  I remember we got lost for a long time, part of the fun, really.  But Dave, my mom's husband, got frustrated and created his own path as the crow flies and got us out. My mom died a few weeks later, if recollection serves. I would rather not this story play out like that.

Which brings me back to the visit to the UW Liver Clinic. I often lament that Dr. P isn't forthcoming with information, that it isn't clear where we are, that he downplays bad news. Well, the Liver Clinic reviewed the medical record.  First, the good news. They concur that the cancer is generally stable. Now for the bad news. What we haven't been told clearly, or at all, is this:

Numerous bilobar hypovascular liver metasteses are present. Index lesion in the caudate lobe measures about 18 x 15 mm. This is enlarged compared to 4.8.2021, when it measured 9 x 7 mm. Another lesion.  .  . measures 18 x 15 mm, previously 7 mm in February 4, 2021.  .  .

It also "noted small ometal nodules,  indicating peritoneal disease."

So, now we clearly see from the reading of the scans by the UW that these representative lesions have more than doubled in size over the last several months. That information, which I hadn't gleaned at all from what the record shared by Virginia Mason has shared, is remarkable for its absence from the record. Moreover, from the VM medical records I have read, the nodules on the omentum were not less than clear, but rather not addressed at all since last year. In other words, secondary cancer on the peritoneal sac was talked about last fall, but not addressed since, leading a reasonable layperson (me) reading the reports to conclude it was no longer an issue. Not true.

I feel so sad knowing this - sad for Jenny - sad for all of us. The question arises, how long this new regimen will keep the cancer in check? Will we have Christmas together? Her birthday?  Leiney's birthday?  One excruciatingly worrisome day at a time.