Sunday, That's My Fun Day

 Entry 1     4:04 p.m. 

After 6 days off, I'm looking forward to work so I can have a break.

Mike helped me stand the tree up last night. Today the lights went on.

I was about 400 short of a complete strand of lights, a living metaphor for my sanity. Tonight, after dinner and Advent, we will decorate the tree. I am tired.

Chicken tacos for the omnivores and smart ground tacos for those who don't eat meat are on the dinner menu. This makes me happy. What is going to stay with me for a long time after this is done, is how bone tired I am.

Jenny lost another lb. yesterday.  She has been eating small, high caloric meals, several times a day, to see if we can work around the lack of appetite. She isn't taking her megesterol, the appetite stimulant, for reasons I can't fathom or explain. I ask about it, and she shrugs it off. 

Yesterday was so hard, but now I have an explanation. Jenny's ACUPUNCTURIST told her to cut back on her pain meds.  This, at the same time palliative care upped her dosage because of the increased pain she has been experiencing.  She listened to the acupuncturist, and for the last several days dialed back. All the withdrawal symptoms of a person suddenly cutting back the drug s/he are dependent on to manage pain. So, all of the panic of the last few days about her rapid decline might be explained by withdrawal from Percocet.  That would be good news, and really a kick in the head at the same time.  She rallied last night when my sister came over.  I learned today it's because she took the right dose of meds.

In other med news, Jenny forgot to fill her anxiety med. She has been taking 1/2 a Xanax each night at bed for almost 16 months. Because of this she had a completely sleepless night.

Work tomorrow in-person.

Entry 2.    9:58 p.m.

An old lover from before I dated Jenny reached out to me today to tell me she has cancer. Surgery is scheduled for December 16.  Truth-be-told, it took decades for us to be friends again after she felt I rejected her. I did, and looking back, I was awful about it. I just should have been kinder and wiser.

Over the last several years, we have mended fences. She has kids the same ages as mine and we were always better suited as friends than lovers. 

Now she has cancer. She will beat it, I know it. She is an amazing woman who kept custody of her ex-wive's kids and raised them herself, the birth mother an alcoholic. One kid is at UW-Madison, and the other is thriving too, a junior or senior in high school. She is a kind, brilliant and caring woman, I hope she beats this with all my heart, and I believe she will.

Jenny didn't have the stamina to decorate the tree. Abby only put her 30-40 or so ornaments on the tree before bailing on Leiney and I. Jenny and I have hundreds. So, after I made the tacos and we did Advent, I spent two hours with Leiney hanging ornaments. Jenny tried to hang a couple, but nearly, and I mean I am glad I grabbed her, fell off the 4 ft step ladder reaching for the tree.

Jenny is tired and cranky. I am tired and cranky. I left 60 or so ornaments to be hung tomorrow, and have retired for the evening.



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