Don't Close Your Eyes/Don't Fall To Sleep

 Entry 1.    5:11 p.m.

Up since 4:33. Tinnitus ringing in my ear, drowning out the stillness. 

Entry 2     8:48 a.m.

I have this hope that maybe the withdrawal from Xanax and the Oxycodone may have made Jenny seem sicker than she is.  Is that hope realistic? I don't know. Now that she is taking the correct dosage of the latter, and is taking the Xanax again, I may better understand what her equilibrium looks like. Clearly, the walking up the stairs is difficult and is not a byproduct of withdrawal.  But the oxy may help her eat by abating the pain somewhat.  

I missed a meeting this morning. I checked my calendar last night, and completely blew it off by accident. Unlike me, and embarrassing. I am otherwise feeling okay. I just need to know Jenny is going to be o.k.

Entry 3     10:40 a.m. 

Hags, like you would see in storybooks like Hansel and Gretel, filled my dreams last night. The nightmares leave me anxious when I wake up, the same way I would feel when I was 2 and would go to bed and was sure the boogie man was under my bed  Mostly, I was afraid that The Count from Sesame Street was under my bed. Until I was 3, and my sister let me watch the Night Gallery story where the dolls came alive--I have never trusted dolls again--that was my biggest fear.

Jenny told me she plans on trying to walk around Green Lake this week if she can coax someone to go with her. She offered me her assurance that she would go very slowly. I suggested she only walk a quarter of Greenlake--albeit I don' t think that is realistic--and then turn around, making it half the distance of the lake she will have walked in totality. 

Entry 4     12:04 p.m.

Jenny is feeling well enough that she took my jeep and went to see a friend. So, I guess she isn't taking the advice on driving she said she would follow. By the time I realized she left, she was gone.

Entry 5     1:50 p.m.

She is back home, spent from the trip, laying on the couch, soon to be sleeping, I would wager.




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