You Know Nothing, Jon Snow

Entry 1        

Note to self: Never use Old Republic Escrow company if you can help it.  A frantic 7 a.m. e-mail from them asking where the wire transfer is, started the day.  I ignored it, we set the  transfer to take place today, and let the escrow company know that last week.  When Jenny responded and said the money was coming and told them the name of the investment firm it was coming from, Old Republic sent a form demanding we complete it because the money was coming from an individual. This all before 8 a.m.  Jenny let them know, actually the investment firm is not an individual.  Its a national firm, one would think an escrow company might be familiar with it's name.  Anyway, the money has been wired, and now we wait for the word of official closing.  That I have work today is good and bad, I need the distraction, but want to be holding the keys now.

If it's Tuesday it must be Jenny's memorandum to her cancer coach day.  And here we are.  I can't quite put my finger on what is most fucking disturbing about today's memorandum, but here it is, her take on the day we move into our new place:

"My struggle right now is what happens next with Geoff. And I am lonely every night. I am really realizing that Geoff's stuff is really his stuff.  It's not my fault and he needs to learn to deal with things in a better way.  Or to actually deal with things in any way." 

She just got home. I am struggling not to show my perturbation. 

So, my terminally ill wife has carried on an affair for years, and despite being caught almost a year ago, refuses to stop.  And my refusal to sleep in the marital bed, but my continued devotion to her care is somehow a pathology. Perhaps, but not in the way she is thinking.  I can't wait to see the cardiologist on Friday.  Not sure s/he can fix a broken heart.

Our friend Lori is here from LA. She and Jenny have spent the day together.  I can't imagine what Jenny has told her, and I am so upset that its all the nonsense I haven't had to hear myself forever. Any hope Jenny has honestly evaluated her behavior over the last 11 months has flitted away.  She never will confront her own behavior here, I will always be to blame. I was over this, until I saw the weekly memo to her cancer coach.  It's important to read it because, like Saul in Damascus, the scales have fallen from my eyes.  Unfortunately, the encrustation keeps coming back.  I need the pain of the band-aid ripping off to keep me awake.  

FML.

Entry 3.      9:53 p.m.

The house is ours, and a lovely house it is. You will hear me cursing Himalayan blackberries and the man responsible for their spread, Luther Burbank, for the foreseeable future.  I discovered there are two plum trees and at least one hazelnut tree covered in bramble at the edge of the property. I can't wait to clear them, and clear them again.




Comments

  1. Cheryl RSJuly 27, 2021 at 11:19 PM

    Congratulations! Stephanie is an accomplished blackberry warrior. You’ve got the right attitude!

    ReplyDelete

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