Through a Scanner Darkly

Entry 1

 The Week Ahead, The Week Before

We make payment via wire today on the home. Over the weekend we signed all the final paperwork. The notary was from Sumner, and was clearly afraid of the city--so cliche that Aesop captured the phenomenon 2500 years ago in the fable of the City Mouse and The Country Mouse.  Wow.  We get the keys tomorrow at 5.  We will bring a few boxes with us, and my coffee maker, which was too big for the current kitchen.  We went and walked the property over the weekend.  It's lovely.  I am pretty sure that it used to be a farm back in the day.  I came upon an old plum tree at the back of the yard, that had tiny yellow plums, the size of a thumbnail.  They were sweet and delicious. I have every reason to believe that the property to the south of us, covered in Himalayan blackberry bramble, likely has many more fruit trees.

Packing is a slow process.  We have packed more boxes than I care to admit.  Yesterday, we were to go through the storage room, keeper of excess books, the detritus of the past, holiday dishes, ornaments and decorations.  We have bin after bin, box after box of things that haven't seen the light of day, in some instances, since we lived in California.  We managed to cull four boxes of material, mostly books, for Goodwill, and filled a garbage bag too.  In my messy box, I found a valentine from Robert Huffman when we were in 4th grade, and letters from Calen Moskowitz when he was in the Army in Korea. Both childhood friends.  Both died from drugs in the last several years.  Calen's letters were well-written, and funny, and poignantly sad, a foreshadowing of things to come.  I found love letters, written but never sent to girls from my high school days, one in an envelope and addressed to a home about two blocks from where I am sitting.  Memories of those times are more bitter than sweet, but still, the hint of caramel accents led me down yesterday's forgotten paths. 

Jenny, as like the day before, was barely functional.  I ended up having to empty the storage room and largely sorted and repacked by myself.  I am very worried about Jenny.  Very.  She is struggling again this morning, with a todo list she created with a bevy of difficult things to do for someone in such a state. To make matters worse, she was on edge a lot as well.  So, she was not pleasant to be around at times. Her lack of energy meant she needed to be, and expected to be (not unreasonably, btw, she had zero energy) to be attended to.  However, being a sub isn't my kink, so it does get old, this expectation of service with barely a modicum of appreciation.  Don't get me wrong, she feels lousy.  Terrible. Feeling shitty effects your mood. So does having terminal cancer.  I guess it just gets old.  

She is stubborn. She just left, carrying 4 boxes of books to the car while I was on the telephone for work. She came back in the house looking utterly defeated, but she insisted on moving the boxes herself.  How does she think she will ever be able to help us move boxes this week?
Thursday is scan day. I can hardly focus. 
Entry 2     3:25 p.m.

It turns out we don't have Seattle Public Utilities as our provider of water, sewer and garbage.  While our address is Seattle, in fact it is unincorporated King County.  Not Tukwila. Not Burien.  So water, sewer and gas are handled by three different entities. Seems efficient.  I feel like having a Seattle address is a lie. Not unlike when I lived in the Village and had some bizarre cell phone number with a new area code (646) because (212) was all used up.  I looked like I lived in NYC, but I was clearly a dilettante, a poseur with an apartment conveniently in the Village. The area code was a less than subtle signifier, for anyone in the know who asked for my phone number, that I was nouveau NY, and probably wasn't staying long.  At least it felt that way.  
If I haven't mentioned I am nervous about the cardiologist, it is because I am.  Also, I have several referrals at Kaiser for other matters, and today finally tried to set up appts, only to find that each referral is "currently under review."  What the fuck?  Note to self, GTFO of Kaiser during open enrollment.  
Jenny now seems back to her old energetic self this afternoon. It's as if the lackluster energy of the last three days was a transient phase.  I can't figure any of this out. 
Entry 3      8:40 p.m.

Tonight Lori is in town from Los Angeles.  We had dinner at Mio Posto.  Life under COVID-19 has been hard on everyone, it seems.  Lori and her husband Matt have struggled. I'm not surprised, but it does give one perspective. 

Leiney is going to NYC at the end of August for two weeks or so, I learned at dinner tonight, staying with a former student of Jenny's.
Leiney and 15-week old Willow.





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