Learning The Facts Of Life From A Grifter

Some weeks ago I listened to a podcast on the grifting life of Dr. Phil. Not eye-opening, I've known he was a grifter since I laid eyes upon him back when Oprah was still in syndication.  Since we got the puppy, I've taken to watching Dr. Phil early in the morning, and found it's like eating potato chips. I can't watch just one segment.  And today he actually said something interesting about cheating. He said,

"Does your partner have the emotional integrity to be honest with you, to be truthful with you, to be predictable with you, to be someone you can count on to not betray you?" 

I can't, now almost a year from discovery answer yes to any of those questions, and yet here I am. I am the person I thought I was, I am staying to care for her. She is not the same, but does not remain the stranger I learned she was nearly a year ago on discovery day. I know her lies and that she shares them glibly.  Her story, one of the explanations as to why she won't stop fall away.  As I always have done, I care for her lovingly. I will admit to becoming more attentive--more solicitous--

when I found she was ill.  And even after I found out about el pinché motherfucker, I have continued to nurse her, to care for her, to show love and compassion. I have shown myself to be, as I think about it, the person I always hoped I would be in the face of adversity. She has not stepped up, however. She has not risen to the occasion. She doesn't seem to appreciate the finality of this illness, that her chance to make this right, to treat me with the same respect she receives actually means something to those who she will leave behind.

We are going to the new home tonight to walk through and check out the neighborhood. My sister saw the house, and when I spoke to her earlier, she was rapturous in her description. The owners are offering us a lot of furnishings we saw. They were gorgeous in photos, we will look and decide tonight.

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