I Can See Clearly Now

Springing Forward

Riding shotgun in Abby's car on the I-90 bridge, 3.11.2021.

Abby had her first performance of The Complete Works of Shakespeare last night, and she was marvelous.  She was lit up like an 80s FM haunted house at Halloween when she got home. That was great to see, and I love that she finds such joy in something.  Leiney, always clutch, drove Abby over and back so I could have therapy and Jenny could continue to rest while receiving chemo (5 FU) through her take home pump.

Therapy was, as it should be, cathartic, and especially affirming.  3rd week of putting issues around the pinche motherfucker in the box, and it's going well.  When I was trying to describe my current relationship with Jenny, I described her as a friend, searching for the right words. My doctor asked me, if you had a friend who was knowingly and intentionally doing something that hurt(s) you, would you remain friends?  Fair point.  So, I don't know how to describe this relationship, but settled on housemate.  I love her. I have to care for her because I love her and because my kids need me to be here as we go through this. So, I don't know how to term this relationship. What is important is keeping the pain on the box, and not reopening the wounds over and again.  

Jane was over  much of the afternoon and into the evening, bringing us dinner and watching Abby's performance with us as it was broadcast over Zoom.

I bought Abby roses and put them on her bed as a surprise, and for the first time I can remember in many shows, she was overjoyed with getting them. She even put them in a vase herself--highly uncharacteristic.

Jenny's nausea is absent this round. It seems the new strategy has whipped the queasy feeling and vomiting, and its great to see her not stuck in that agonizing hell.  Her bilateral hip pain, which started when she had the terrifying episodes of nausea during the last round of gemabraxane, remains and requires careful management just to make Jenny not miserable, forget about comfortable.  She has resorted to routine baths to address the issue, and after eating the breakfast I made her, she has just now repaired to the bathroom to try and fight the pain.  

This cancer sucks up so much of her life.  Chemo was Thursday, all day.  The pump remains on for 2 days as it widely disperses poison to kill the cancer.  She also now receives a bolus of saline on Friday and Saturday, delivered via IV. She has to go to VM for this. Finally, she has to have the pump removed from the port placed in her chest for chemotherapy.  It is so much.  It is so, so much. I wouldn't wish this on Eric the pinché motherfucker.

--Johnny Nash


 

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