Not California

Entry 1    10:27 a.m.Entry 1    10:27 a.m.

I recall how perfect each holiday was. How carefully each part of the day, each piece of the tradition was planned, prepared for and actualized. It was a team effort. The hot cross buns were my addition, in honor of my mother's love for them.  The decorations were Jenny's. We filled the baskets together, dyed the eggs with the kids and then later hid the eggs from them.  Jenny insisted it be the real eggs.  She would map their locations, when she remembered. Once, when she didn't, we found an egg in July. Easter dinner at home or at Omi's was always a nice affair.

I

Pompeii Exhibit, April 17, 2013.
 ordered hot cross buns for this morning. Put the baskets together, made breakfast. Abby was awake before 8, fortunately, I was prepared. Leiney came right down and I whipped up eggs. It doesn't seem real, this holiday celebration. The kids are happy, evincing ni sorrow, showing no tears. They look to me, and I am joking around with them and wondering when this numbness, this subaltern of sorrow, will be replaced by trenchent grief.

I don't want a year of firsts.

I thought I had COVID.  Now I think I was allergic to something in California, and not sick at all. I didn't write about it, for fear it was true, and fearing what it meant when I have not yet had the second booster. I wore my mask, mostly, admittedly more forgetful and less vigilant than I have been. Elevators were a challenge, small shops in shipping districts. I had it on at Disney 98 percent of the time, but not at restaurants outside of Disney.  I am lucky and relieved. I will take another test tonight, just to be sure.

Abby told Leiney she liked Scripps and loved Occidental. She didn't mention UCSD, which is as s I surmised. She wants to go to the east coast this summer.  I don't, but we shall see. She will spend the next 13 days cramming for AP finals. She isn't thrilled, but dedicated.

Leiney has gone on 3 dates with some tech bro who works for Microsoft and lives in Redmond.  Go figure.  She texted me on Friday night she was spending the night.  To be clear, Leiney never dated when her mom was alive. This is zero to sixty. I am happy, but watching. I am not sure what is driving this, I just want her to be happy, and dating for the right reasons.

Today would have been my mother's 82 birthday. May she rest in peace.

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