Same Old Story, Same Old Song and Dance

Moni popped by this morning to drop off meds for Jenny that we had sequestered because of her recent suicidal ideation, but that Jenny will need next week, post chemotherapy. Moni is leaving to go to Sun Valley with Chris.  I asked her if she knew that things with Eric the pinché motherfucker and Jenny continue apace, as if I had never disclosed anything.  If anything, Jenny seems emboldened, btw. More on that in a moment.  Moni said Jenny had told her that last Thursday.  So, my intuition is much better than it had been.  The suicide was driven, not so much by the chemo, but by the fear she had lost Eric because I told Kandice.  

At one this afternoon, Jenny was on a call with a prospective therapist for Abby.  Abby has dumped 4 or 5 therapists over the last year and we desperately want her to have one, what with COVID-19 and distance learning, the loss of both Mic and Bea, Jenny's cancer, and Jenny's long-term and ongoing affair.  When I heard Jenny on the phone, I stopped my work, such as it was, left the office and went and sat next to where she was laying on the sectional.  I said, is this the therapist call, she nodded yes.  Good I said. I didn't want to miss it.  She made no effort to shepherd me into the call.  She didn't put the call on speaker.  I waited less than 5 minutes, and gave up, resigned to letting her run the call.  She then clearly prompted by the therapist, began discussing issues of concern for Abby.  She ticked off all of the above, save one.  I am certain it was intentional, given her propensity for presenting as a perfect person.  Albeit, she did mention we were in couple's therapy, but didn't elaborate--didn't provide any reason for it.  Sigh. I didn't query her after the call, because, to what end?  She did say that we should require (force) Abby to go to therapy for a set period of time and not just let her quit.  I completely disagree, but again, am keeping my powder dry until it is time to push back.  I will not force Abby into therapy, it won't work.

The chutzpah that Jenny is exhibiting is something else.  I went to make a sandwich at 2:00 pm today, and she was sitting on the couch as I was opening the bread bag on the dining room table and chit-chatting with her.  Out of nowhere, she asks me, You know that couch downstairs we are getting rid of?" Yeah, I said.  "We are giving it to an IA (instructional assistant).  So, Eric will need to come over and pick it up because he has a truck."  I am instantly flabbergasted.  I say, that man is not welcome in this house.  Ever. I will rent a truck. Jenny replies, "You interrupted me. You will need to help me get that couch up the stairs and into the driveway so Eric can come get it."  Again, I said, that man is not welcome at our house.  I will rent a truck."  She tells me that renting a truck is ridiculous and we aren't doing that and throws in a "calm down." I say, I have a right to be angry, and end the conversation.  

I have individual therapy at 4 with Decky Fiedler.  Then couples therapy at 6.  This will be the first therapy we have had since I told Eric's wife, since Jenny attempted to attempt suicide, and since I moved back home.  The couple's therapist had a family emergency last Tuesday, and Jenny and the kids were on Vashon Tuesday night.

Postscript:

My therapist has suggested that I begin understanding Jenny's behavior by assuming the posture that she is an Alzheimer's patient.  Jenny is here corporally, but (with regard to the affair) mentally, she has left the building.  This is helpful for me.  Dr. Fiedler keeps reminding me that it doesn't matter what I do, Jenny will not change her behavior, will not love me like I want to be loved.

Later, as noted, we had couples therapy.  Again Jenny said, with the therapist present, that she couldn't understand why I would want to hurt an innocent third party by telling them about the affair.  I responded, I'm not the one fucking the innocent party's husband.  Just sayin'. 

She genuinely believes she has the moral high ground here.

She also told me she is afraid I might abandon her again at hospital, or at home, if she texts Eric the pinché motherfucker. I pointed out that her  hospital incident narrative is bullshit, that she invited me to leave as she was being admitted so that I could go do my therapy and only then did I bring up her texting with Eric the pinché motherfucker.  She tried to establish sojnme moral equivalence between my using my phone to surf the internet at the ER--she claims we had an agreement not to, and her texting Eric.  When I said there is no moral equivalency, that I wasn't texting someone with whom I am having an affair, but surfing and texting her sisters, she said I was hypocritical.  Nevermind that we never had any agreement not to use our phones.  .  .  Also. The therapist remembered the agreement about not texting Eric the pinché motherfucker, but did not seem, nor did she say she remembered a broader agreement.  But, keep in mind, the issue isn't internet use, it's the fucking affair.

I also learned two pieces of additional information in therapy: 

1) Jenny said it was Chris' idea lasy week to suggest we have Eric the pinché motherfucker come help to move the desk and the couch. 

2) It was her sisters who told her to change her password on her phone and to shorten her screenlock time to thirty seconds.  Hmmm.  .  .