Don't Admit That It's Part of a Scheme

 

How Long Has This Been Going On? 

Jenny and I have been in therapy for several months.  Ostensibly, we are working to learn how to live together when she loves someone else, but needs a caretaker as she is sick and probably dying.  She has fed me a lot of horseshit.  A lot.  She hid the affair and lied to me about trips and nights out. When caught, she lied repeatedly about the length of the affair, first admitting to only a few months, then a year, then July 2018. She lied about why she wanted Eric the pinché motherfucker to shave her head. She has become an inveterate liar.  She lies to her friends now about our relationship, she makes me an ogre.  Throughout the lying, since caught, and probably before, she justifies her bad behavior by lying about me in dozens of ways.  She does everything, I do nothing.  I am the fault of the dead relationship. Because I didn't respond to lengthy texts, its my fault she is having an affair.  She loves us both. Blah. Blah. Blah.  I have determined, and have told her, that if she goes into remission, I am leaving her, that this marriage is over.  I have made that clear.  

The hard part is the actual separation.  I love her. When she is suffering, which is daily, I comfort her.  It makes the lines blurred.  I moved out to make those lines less blurry, to consciously uncouple.  Now that I am back, the lines are all tangled again, and it is driving me insane.  I need to have clearly demarcated boundaries.  I need to not care so much.  I have to remind myself of this:

She and Eric the pinché motherfucker continue apace.  She is thrilled that his wife knows.  This is not ending.



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