Golden Slumbers

 Entry 1    2:55 a.m.

I am wide awake. Yesterday was sad. Leaving Bellingham with Leiney, we stopped by Haagen's to buy the Sunday Times, which has Jenny's obituary. Wracked with grief when it showed up as a link in my Gmail this morning, I don't intend to ever read it. I miss her too much.

My sleep has been a challenge. Grief is a difficult to manage, and it's early yet. I just feel about as stable as a graham cracker dowsed in milk at times, and in other instances, I am numb. I hate this. Can't go over it, can't go under it, got to go around it. I wish it were that simple.

I worry so much about the girls and my ability to do this alone. Leiney is adultish, but in many ways is still a kid. Abby's moods are indecipherable. I just don't k2now.  

I'm taking this week off and returning to the fold next week. I am out of leave and need to have the time paid for, it's as simple as that. I am hoping it all remains the same, the work from home regimen.

We ordered sushi for dinner yesterday. It was delicious, and Jenny's absence conspicuous.


Entry 4   8:48 a.m.

Thanks to all who are donating to Jen McCarty's Seattle Children's Playgarden. Waking up this morning to find that her goal has already been exceeded just by the people I directly reached out it made me smile. The SCP is a central part of our lives, although I think besides specific events, I only got to visit during actual summer camp s few times. My children grew up there, learned compassion, patience, dedication at their mother's hip, and the importance of not thinking you are better or others are lesser because of a disability. That is a legacy Jenny must of which Jenny should be proud. Leiney continues her close connection with Playgarden, a living legacy.

Entry 2.   1248 p.m.

I have been keeping busy at times trying to organize the garage. I think I can safely say the gym is done.



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