8 Days A Week

 Entry 1    7:41 a.m.

The TOPS remembrance will be held in it's only appropriate location, the gym. The gym where every morning she would rush off to early in the morning to work out with coworkers, that turned out to be just one coworker. I can make a lot of snarky comments about what the two of them were up to, but no one had access to the gym but them at that time.  It's also his work location, the place she spent every day volunteering in September and October, where she would spend time whenever she could.

So, that is where the remembrance will be. I don't know how I can do that.

This is the second Friday of infinite Fridays that she is gone.  Everything feels completely normal and completely wrong.  I miss her.

Entry 2     9:08 a.m.

Yesterday, cleaning out a few of Jenny's things, I came across the suicide notes she was writing to her children last year, a day or two after I told Eric's wife of the affair. Jenny couldn't go on without him. After that day, she denied she ever tried to commit suicide. I don't

know if she convinced herself that was true, although I suspect so, but the half-written letters confirm my memory of that morning. Tragedy. It was a slow rolling tragedy, the last 19 months or five years, really.

I am working on creating a gym for the girls and I in the gym.  Almost done.  I hadn't realized how much was left to unpack from the move.  We are almost there. The bike is Wait ng for me to put a trainer on it, I hang up the television on the post, and voilá! Exercise will be key to fighting grief.

Jenny loved entertaining people. Truth be told, we both did. She, however, apart from Thanksgiving, was the master organizer. I shared the Thanksgiving organization, I wouldn't dream of saying I surpassed her. We had so many lovely times, throughout parenthood, of having small and alrgr groups of friends over. She was always the consummate host. I will miss those gatherings, truly no one could or will be better, and the memories because of her skill, are priceless.