Eye Of The Hurricane

The last two days have been very good.  Jenny didn't get chemotherapy because her numbers and counts were so godawfully bad as a result of the last chemo. But, in better news, she got more clarity.  

First, the doctor told her that her CA 19-9 numbers are so bad because he believes the mRNA vaccine has some major impact, skewing the numbers.  Dr. P and oncologists elsewhere are seeing this phenomena, and he, leader in the field, is starting a research study on this, presumably nationwide.  So one of the few PDAC prognostic tools has been bent, if not broken by COVID-19.
Eye of the Hurricane 

Secondly, the doctor told her he believes her disease is stable, given the place we are at.  The goal is to keep it that way.  Great news. Incredible news.

Third, Jenny learned from the palliative care doctor that Dr. P is against Death with Dignity, an option Jenny strongly wants on the table, as would I were I in her predicament.  The good news is there is a board consisting of 5 doctors statewide who help enforce and carry out the dictates of the law, and the palliative care doctor sits on that board.  So we have a strong advocate in our corner, and Jenny will still have the option, despite VM being taken over by a Catholic healthcare system, and despite her oncologist opposing physician assisted suicide.

Jenny has been in very high spirits since Thursday, and very good to me.
I had individual therapy yesterday.  I talked about the recent threatened suicide, the nastiness, and now the kind and loving Jenny.  We discussed Jenny's behavior as not cyclical, but shifting.

An aside, she is giggling from her room, which is so relieving to hear.

My therapist cautioned me, and despite living an knowing better I am glad she did, that this is the eye of the hurricane.  And to continue the metaphor, the storm will continually reform and the eye will disappear and reappear. I shouldn't expect all the hard days to be over.  I will admit, I am prone to such wishful thinking, but know that this is sage advice.

Today, we are going to the SAM to see the Jacob Lawrence exhibition with my sister Jane and her husband Mike.  I am drinkkng coffee and savoring the morning quiet.




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