Heartburn

I'm Doin' Fine 

Like I forgot the lyrics to a Johnny Cash song,
A lost child in the forest ramblin’ on and on,
If I forgave you for doing wrong,
I'd be messin' up a damn good country song

I’m a Ford that ain’t run since 2009,
I’m a broken 8-track player, a wandering eye
A phone that never gets anyone on the line
Ask anyone around, I’m doin’ fine

You been gone so long the sun lost its shine,
Your love for me was so sublime
My next home will be a box of pine
Ask anyone around, I’m doin’ fine

Sitting alone with a box of wine,
Every minute you are on my mind
A long time ago you said you'd be mine?
Ask anyone around, I’m doin’ fine

 I have a heart procedure next week. The doctor told me the problem with my earlier procedure is that it wasn't open heart surgery. So, he has done what he has to do, scheduled me for the placement of stents next week on Leiney's birthday. Its as soon as he could get me in, and I can't wait any longer. Making it even better is the likelihood that he likely won't place stents, but instead determine I need open heart surgery. He was clear. If I don't die on the table, which is unlikely, I will be scheduled quickly for the surgery.

I am getting  my affairs in order. I will complete a new advanced directive and POA for medical decisions--in fact for everything. That is on my list for this week. But first, I have to get my ass to the lab to have blood tests. 

The doctor placed me on all sorts of new meds today, and was not impressed with the care I have rec'd from my general practitioner. I knew better than to rely on her she is so deferential to me and never gets mad when I fuck up--which is every day.

 I know I have the internet at my fingers, but I am not going to go look up open heart surgery. Instead, I am going to acknowledge that I know all of my ribs will be broken to access my heart. The doctor did note my genetics not the greatest. 

Twelve weeks on my back--seems bad for the heart. As it is, I am going out next week for who knows how long. I worry I will end up in a SNF, given my living situation. I worry about the dog, the house, but mostly the kids. 

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