kvetching up

Someone had a heart attack this morning, requiring an emergency procedure and delaying this procedure. But, the doctor just came in and said soon. So, 5 minutes from now my latest cbc draw will be read, and off we. go. I hope. 

I am glad that AI wasn't around when Jenny was ill. I would have asked for every permutation and possible outcome. I know this because since I woke up early this morning, I was giving AI excerpts of my recent exploration--the stress test, the echocardiogram, and family history (uncle dead at 66 from an MI, my dad dead of a stroke at 48). It's cheery stuff. I just want to know what to expect. Here is my favorite AI's response: Before adding family history, based on everything you told me, I estimated roughly: CABG: ~55–70% Stents: ~20–35% Meds only: ~5–10% With strong family history of early and severe vascular disease , I’d nudge that further to something like: CABG recommended: ~60–75% More stents: ~15–30% Meds only: ~5–10% Why not 90%+? Because: If the cath shows one clear focal culprit lesion and the rest is moderate/stable, they may still reasonably stent that. Anatomy still rules. But your family history makes it much less likely they’ll say:...

Let 'er roll! Yesterday I got mixed signals from Monjouro. I had hunger and ate lunch. Immediately after and until today, I paid for it by feeling overfull, lethargic for the rest of the day and evening. I didn't eat a lot, just a sandwich but it felt like I had showed up at The Royal Fork and had gone through the buffet line 16 times  I was so full, I couldn't even get myself to drink fluids. Wild.  The girls are calling every day, sounding sweet, but full of worry. I planned with Abby that she call me each day--she is 3000 miles away and worried, hence the calls  But sweet Leiney has called each day too, worried, inquisitive, and hopeful. These kids are my rock. Luck Be A Lady I feel like I have treated my body like I am a drunk and my body a flophouse. I have made, knowingly and with intentional ignorance masquerading as bravado as I poisoned my body over and again. Now that I live like a monk--albeit one who last year started smoking pot routinely again after 40 ...

8:03 a.m.  Bright and early on a Saturday, I am at hospital, waiting on my imaging appt. Did I mention this is Saturday? Been up since nearly, but not quite, 4 a.m.  I'm hoping they find no occlusions, no stenosis  more likely, it will appear that the yellow brick road runs through my left ventricle. Monjouro has me down another couple lbs, my stomach nearly as flat as my affect. Is there even a slight possibility this is going to result in good news? Keep hope alive. 2 PM. They already have a bill up for the angiogram I undergo on Thursday. Process flow: angiogram--if not too dirty angioplasty and stents. Too dirty, calendar for bypass surgery at Swedish. I am dreading both Thursday and the almost Bellagio-like buffet choices--all so excellent. Do nothing, stent or surgery. Fun. The bill for the procedure is already in Mychart. Just under 30 grand--I am responsible for about 800 of that because of insurance. I miss having double-coverage, which is reason alone to get mar...

Crossroads I woke up at 3 a.m. to the sound of sirens in the far distance. On the other side of the fence line, a coyote repeatedly howled back an answer. The schmucks are snug in a den in the blackberry bushes. Willow thought about going out, but didn't fight it when I rejected her ask. I stand either quite near her outside or at the window when she goes out at night, depending on the perceived proximity of the little jerks. Most nights I go with her. Most nights since the coyotes came, and only when she knows they are around, she asks me and waits for me to come with her. She is no dummy. She could eat one or two coyotes, she is huge and built for war, but I don't want that to ever have to be tested. Most of the preliminary stuff is done. On Saturday I have an early morning ultrasound of my heart, just for kicks I suppose. I wonder if that will give them enough information to just say fuck it, we are cutting him open.  I've talked to two ppl who have had open heart surger...

I'm Doin' Fine   Like I forgot the lyrics to a Johnny Cash song, A lost child in the forest ramblin’ on and on, If I forgave you for doing wrong, I'd be messin' up a damn good country song I’m a Ford that ain’t run since 2009, I’m a broken 8-track player, a wandering eye A phone that never gets anyone on the line Ask anyone around, I’m doin’ fine You been gone so long the sun lost its shine, Your love for me was so sublime My next home will be a box of pine Ask anyone around, I’m doin’ fine Sitting alone with a box of wine, Every minute you are on my mind A long time ago you said you'd be mine? Ask anyone around, I’m doin’ fine I have a heart procedure next week. The doctor told me the problem with my earlier procedure is that it wasn't open heart surgery. So, he has done what he has to do, scheduled me for the placement of stents next week on Leiney's birthday. Its as soon as he could get me in, and I can't wait any longer. Making it even b...

Abby and I were sitting on the far corner of the black leather couch closest to the fireplace, by the picture front picture window. Buddy was lying next to us on the edge of the couch, his tail wagging as he looked out the window. It was a bright July afternoon. The living room blinds were open. The door was ajar. Warm air, carrying the smell of cut grass, blew gently into the house and made everything seem almost perfect. The room was full of light. We were goofing. Abby and I as I showed her a ridiculous video from my youth called The John Wayne Rap. She watched it with the impatient distance of a teenager, pre-a noyance evident. I was doing an atrocious John Wayne imitation, my noise hitting Abby like a shuriken each time I threw a daha her way. We were laughing. Jenny had just come home from the scan she had insisted on getting (after losing 25 lbs in a couple months without trying), the one she was told she did not need, the one the physician’s assistant told her would show nothin...