kvetching up

 T-Mobile updated the phone software. Let's hope it allows me to post. I have so much news these days, and I want to write it down. Glitching still. Nuked 500 plus words. I installed the duckduckgo app. Let's see if that makes a difference. Today, I went to a 3rd party Dept. of Licensing storefront today to transfer the title of the Honda Accord Coupe, Abby's car, from Jenny to me. I then had someone come take that car and Leiney's 2008 Honda away. Both are in need of serious repairs, and I'm done putting money in them. Hence, the purchase of the 2001 CRV for Abby earlier this week. Wow, this is working. . . Tomorrow night it's Abby and me ringing in the New Year. Leiney is going to a party. . . ‐‐----------------------------------------------------------------------- I gave notice at work last week. I am starting a new job on January 23rd. It is not labor related, weirdly, but does involve investigation oversight, investigations and training. I'm ready for ...

Abby made a yule log. Last year we ate the one my dear friend Jeremy had given us. Also like last year, I am hiding in my room from the multitudes downstairs. I am exhausted, physically and emotionally. Jenny was actively dying at this time last year, her suffering nothing anyone should have to bear. Just before 6 this morning, I sat downstairs sobbing, the dogs cuddling me. The kids didn't hear me, they were asleep, and I am glad this was the case.  I rarely update now, given that my phone doesn't work properly when I try to make an entry. Everything gets wiped out. Let's just say this Christmas has been quite the success. From the giant tree to the presents the girls received, and the hosting of Christmas and Christmas Eve, all went better than planned.  Still, Christmas has been a painful time for the three of us. I don't know how it couldn't be this way. Despite starting early to salve and distract from the pain, and even though I haven't looked back on Dece...

Since a recent phone update, none of my browsers on this phone work correctly when using blogger. I don't know if it's a software problem or a platform problem, but it has made my ability to post on the fly almost impossible. In fact, it just erased about 1000 words that followed. Fuck. As much as I love all the secular and most of the non-secular parts of the holiday season, even with the celebratory atmosphere, my feeling, aside from child rearing, rearing, that my life has been less than purposeful is ever present.  I have a purposeless career, and meaningless day to day living. This along wabith an inability to feel connected to anything besides my dogs or anyone besides my children is unlike anything I have experienced. It isn't being anchorless. I am just not able to feel connected. I thought Jenny would outlive me. I always believed that, and she did as well, as evidenced by a discussion she had via text back in 2013 with a friend in which she was disparaging me, but...