Cutting The Links

Entry 1

I have rearranged my cardiac rehab back to 8 a.m., after the RN I work  with called and reported someone outside of the department had inexplicably changed the appointments on Friday and some Mondays to 10 a.m. He couldn't figure out why this was so, and I had no explanation--no clue really.  I left too late on Monday, got stuck in traffic and arrived 10 minutes late. I got my cardio in, but just, barely managing to do any weight lifting.

I had chest pains last night--transient really--more like a pain in the arse, scary but not worth going to the doctor about as passing as they were. There was no shooting pain down my arm, just a short, sharp, shock in my chest. If it happens again, I will consult my doctor. 

I went to my GP about the late night glucose drops that have been reported by my monitor. My doctor's fill-in while she is on vacation gave me a rudimentary answer--if drmy sugars drop into the 60s or below, eat something and check again in 15 minutes. No shit, it's what I had reported I was doing in the initial email to him.  

I ordered a Samsung watch today. The new one measures not just respiration and heart rate, but is a continuous blood pressure monitor too. Might as well track that while we are tracking everything else. My BP on Monday--the systolic or bottom number--inexplicably rose on Monday to 89 as I was cooling down. The RN was baffled. It hadn't broken 72 post-procedure, and is usually in the 60s or 50s. I don't like that. So, as I am re-entering the exercise phase, I am happy to be constantly stat checking. I am now keeping a food diary and tracking the correlation between the food I consume and the spikes in my blood sugar. FFS.

I am trying to slow down the aging process here, people. But the more I talk about my health, the more I feel like an AARP poster child. Should I start talking about hemorrhoids--I don't have any to discuss currently--please shoot me.

I need a house/dog sitter for August 30-Sept 6. No leads yet.

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Entry 2

Yesterday,  as posted on FB, I had a prowler try to get into my truck. The alarm went off. I am oddly appreciative that the fool couldn't see the alarm was armed, so that I caught him in the act. By the time i went outside and turned off the alarm and inspected my truck, with Willow going apeshit at the fence, the prowler had relocated to across the street. How do I know this? Because as I reentered the fenced-in yard, random white dude walked down the driveway of my neighbors' house The rental is occupied by Spanish speaking brown skin dudes who have never had a white dude at their house that I have seen since I moved into this place. They have lots of guests, none are white. The owner, who I have met, is an Asian dude about my age. This dude walking down the driveway was sketch as fuck, dressed in a Sonics Jersey and blue jeans. He was white, paunchy, in his mid-thirties with messy light brown almost curly hair and the beard of an adolescent (it just wasn't doing much). He didn't fool Willow, and he didn't fool me. Fool drove away in a early 2000s black Maxima, also a car I have never seen before. I ordered additional lights to illuminate my yard. Two or three weeks ago a lawn ornament Leiney bought me was stolen. Now this. I think the dude is probing to see what happens. We are about to find out, is my guess. I mean, if he has been here twice, then me may think the third time is a charm. Willow is sleeping on the main floor these days, which makes me feel the house is safely guarded. If she can hear the chihuahua up the street barking inside his home, she will be able to hear a break in anywhere in the house, or at least on the main floor or in the basement. The guy was paunchy, so I don't think he is a cat burgler.

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Entry  3     

Letting Go

All consuming. All the time. The key to letting go, per Eckhart Tolle is to cut the link between what you are thinking and what you are feeling. He says that the way you do that is to be aware of your thinking and realizing thinking is pain. It feeds the old feeling and the painful narrative and you realize that you have been keeping it alive for some years. You must develop enough awareness to realize it serves no purpose except to make you unhappy and to perpetuate that feeling.

I am there. What is missing from this is advice on how to untie the Gordian Knot in one fell stroke. I can see what I need to do, and simply can't get there.

 

 

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