kvetching up

I am tired.  No, I am exhausted. I am in coach, a daughter on my left, a daughter on my right. I have the attention span of a gnat, so while they are watching movies. Leiney, on my left, is watching The Santa Claus, while Abby is watching Tony Kushner's Angels in America. I saw both parts at the Repertory Theater back in the day, after reading Roy Cohn's biography. I wasn't prepared. I was in my 20s, and Kushner's storytelling overwhelmed me. I thought the Reagan era Republicans were the worst monsters. Given the number of people who they let die without lifting a finger and continuing to propogare hatred toward gay men and IV drug users, it's hard to argue that they weren't Nazis. How many died during that time? How hard did ACT-UP have to fight to get the government and the people to care? How could we as a country just let people be left to the ravages of the virus? The hysteria--someone should juxtapose the way the culture responded to these crises. I rememb...

 

Rockefeller Center , 2025 .   Tricycle Santa, midtown 2025. E. Houston and 1st. Saks, December 2025.     

I love the train. I prefer riding them in Europe. 4 hours is the ride from Northampton to Penn Station. The girls are sitting and talking across the train car from me, catching up. I am listening to a story--not voluntarily--being told by Abby about a roommate had irresponsible sex and asked Abby to drive her to get Plan B. Abby doesn't understand train etiquette. She is clearly excited to see Leiney, which just melts my heart. The last time the three of us rode a train together must have been Europe. I remember presidential candidate Paul "Clinton is a pander bear" Tsongas talking about the hollowing out of Massachusetts and the East Coast back in 1992. No one has done anything about it--and to be clear the boneyards of industry are filled with bldgs which are made of brick, most likely from clay dug and fired in Renton, once the location of the largest brick manufacturing in the US.  A brief aside--we are on a train that just dropped people off in Springfield. Now the t...

Today in Mystic, we went into a Christmas ornament store--quite large-- which had some of the most garish things for sale I have seen. I didn't try and catalogue them, heaven forfend, but did take a few snaps. My first clue that anyone expecting anything that wasn't gaudy, loud, flashy, raffish or tawdry were the horrible nutcrackers. They all had tags from the manufacturer which read, Designed in the USA. That odd statement got the better of my curiosity, so I flipped the tag over and discovered they were manufactured in Suzhou, China. Imagine how confused the people assembling a cowboy grandpa clad in all white attire, complete with handlebar mustache, with clothes so loud even Liberace or Huggy Bear wouldn't wear them. His girlfriend was next to him. She was blonde, and very young. I assume the designer was Jeffrey Epstein or Jeffrey Epstein adjacent. Just gross. They had dozens of mermen ornaments. Why? Dozens. Most puzzling to me was the one in a bunny suit, pictured h...

  We went to see Abby's show again tonight. The kids were all terrific. Unlike last night's show, I managed to keep my eyes wide open throughout. This was no small feat, given my track record over the last 20 years of falling 🍁 asleep as my children performed in front of me. I just have a real knack for lights out  as soon as the lights go out. I probably shouldn't have been in the front row so often back at their Youth Theater Northwest performances, but here you are and there you go. The girls found it hilarious. I didn't sleep through entire productions, or an entire show, or even scene (well, not every scene). Given my penchant to do it at the movies too--a habit of which they were well aware--I am not surprised at their tolerance for my instant--juat add darkness- somnolence. Speaking of sleeping,  knowing we are back in the City tomorrow is going to make sleep tonight a bit like Christmas Eve. The best part of the trip to Manhattan, I think, is learning that Abby...

  Stilted Santa. Mystic, CT, 2025. Leiney and I spent the day at an outdoor mall, a la Gilman Village circa 1984. It is a Christmas celebration. There were lots of shops to explore, and explore we did. It's pleasant being with Leiney, although I'd say the certitude of 23 is about as grating as the snark of the teenage years. I will say, I was the king of assholes as a teenager, and knew precisely how the world worked when I was 23. I have slept most of the day away, absent the trip to Mystic. Leiney has commented on it. Hmmm. I am awake and rested now. I begin to wonder, however, how much I sleep at home without realizing it. Hmmm.  .  . We went to some Scandanavian store which had vibes of Ballard or the Scan Deli in Renton back in the 1980s. It took me back, far back. Despite its Finnish/Danish/Norwegian/Swedishness, it had lots of Omi-like things. I found marzipan stöllen, which means that tomorrow night we will have 2nd of Advent in Manhattan. That would make Jenny sm...

New London, CT On Friday we Ubered to Seatac, flew to Charlotte and then Providence. Next, we ubered to Amtrak and rode a train into New London. Abby picked us up from the luxe Holiday Inn, not to be confused with the Holiday Inn Express. Abby came to get us in her 2001 Honda CRV which creaks more than my knee which I didn't think possible. I discovered last night while at the restaurant that I'm down to the drugs of my checking account my next paycheck not coming until next week and me unwilling to dig into my savings anymore. Between inflation and the cost of living in supporting at least partially one child and completely the other on one income life isn't fun for me these days. I have a plan I'll work it out and I digress really I wanted to talk about all the traveling. Tonight we saw Abby's show which I cannot explain. Nevertheless it was lovely to see Abby in her--you know--milieu. We had dinner at Chipotle, then went back to Abby's dorm which is really a ...

Time keeps on slipping into the future. . The ache of loneliness is real. It barnacles onto you. It can sit there for a long time, while you maintain your life above the depths. You don't have to be living, really. Existing above the depths is enough, a creosote covered pylon, resisting the waves while slowly being encrusted in the seagull shit of daily existence. The tides come in and go out. Eventually things shift. I don't know if it's the muck into which we have been driven which erodes or loosens or something else, but we end up under the brine, or at least the parts of us with encrusted barnacles. The little bastards start sticking their tongues out, filter feeding on the emptiness we had kept dry, but in which we now swim.  I'm really feeling it today, and am grateful I am with Leiney and soon Abby, who are lighthouses when the darkness descends.  --------------------------------------------------------- I am so obnoxiously self-absorbed that I must admit that I ...