kvetching up

Losing my hair. I slept in the guest bathroom floor on Saturday night. Willow doesn't cotton to wind, and we had lots of it on Saturday night. A 52 mph sustained gust lifted up Jenny's propane heater on the deck (the kind you see at outdoor restaurants in Seattle,e.g. Red Robin). It picked it up, as I said, and threw it across and down on the deck. It bent the hood in half, separated the top from the bottom, and moved it about 12 feet. It moved so h$d, it picked up one of the outdoor dining chairs and forced it onto the table. Following the crash, the lights went out. Willow and I repaired to the bathroom, me with a pillow and blanket.  Despite its cramped nature, we slept there until well after two--some 5 or 6 hours, before I got up and went to bed. Willow, kept me close. I love a good storm.

Wednesday. It's been a quiet day. Most days are quiet for me these days, and I'm enjoying the stillness. One would think I would become introspective. Meh. Why would I want to climb inside my head, it's cluttered and filled with useless facts.  This hermitage, briefly interrupted, has clapped back quickly. You can't get from point A to point B if you are unable or disinterested in making any point whatsoever.  I am of two minds all the time--incredibly social, or at least seeming that it is so, versus maximally private. This isn't new. As I said earlier, I had a brief change for a bit of time, out in the world, having a swell time. But, it was never built to last. The relief I feel being a back in my own private Idaho can't be overstated. It's nothing personal, it's more like that master of song, Gilbert O'Sullivan used to say, I'm alone again, naturally. Not to say that I identify in any way with his maudlin masterpiece, his solipsistic specialt...

It's Monday at 930. I've already been up, out and back home again. Leiney and I renewed her tabs. It was the easiest transaction at a DOL licensing office in memory. At my age, saying "in memory" is dangerous, because it is entirely possible an incident that should be in memory, is more likely laying on the ground somewhere you can't remember. I paid her 1000 of 520 fines on Friday, and her tabs today. Soon we transfer ownership and sell the car. I used to get hired. I would apply, show up, and get the job. NSM today. 5 jobs I qualify for on paper, places that flew me out, put me up, fed me and spent time with me have all rejected me in the last 24 months. I'm not embarrassed. My CV is impressive. I am good at what I do. But between being super gray, and interviewing as if I were a 5th grader participating in law school moot court.  I'm 59. What do I have? My girls. My sisters. My dog. That is a good world, maybe something I can make into a perfect world i...

Sitting in the sun, soaking up its rays. I am fighting walking pneumonia--it had been believed it was just vanilla bronchitis, but no such luck. It's bacterial pneumonia--thankfully I have the vaccine,--but what a bear it has been. My stubbornness, matched or perhaps surpassed  only by my penchant for being alone, is legion. A friend ofine texted me the other day teasing me and calling me "Gone Girl" because of my summary disappearance from all socials (save LinkedIn). I have been absent. It is true. But, I am living. As I sit here on my keister on the patio area at my house, it's hard to believe it's been almost 60 years since I emerged from the ether. Can't say there is much to brag about. I was killing it for much of my life, surprised, albeit happy with my lot.  It's hard to feel lonely when you are numb all the time. Not in a whaaaaa, I want my binky sort of way--Im not screaming or complaining about the lot I have drawn or the platform I have built u...